Relationships – Page 8 – I and Thou Reflections

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #3

Lesson #3: Lead by Example

*Image Credit: Public Domain / Source Unknown*

Princess Diana believed that actions speak louder than words and led by example in her interactions with her children. She taught them kindness, compassion, and empathy through her own actions. How did the Princess do that? By bringing them along with her as she performed her royal duties. So, in 1993, Prince William, then 9 months, accompanied his parents on their trip to Australia and New Zealand. This action set a precedent; since then, Prince William and Prince Harry have had their own children on business trips. Quite a bit different from the mothering of Queen Elizabeth.

In the recent Forbes article, by Maura Thomas, What Does Work-Life Balance Even Mean? “To some, work-life balance means the convenience of managing a personal life during the workday without the hassle of getting permission or explaining our activities to others. Another common definition of work-life balance is equal time or priority to personal and professional activities.'” Whichever way you look at the work-life balance issue, Princess Diana was a true trailblazer in this regard. Years later, the monarchy was finally endorsing the concept of work-life balance.

Reflecting on my mothering skills and leading by example, I think of the early days of my professional career and as a young mother. I worked in academia, and my job required me to be there for extra hours to entertain recruiters searching for new hires. Early on, I brought my son to work occasionally. I also worked at home one or two days per week. My direct report understood the importance of work-life balance. And I was grateful for his flexibility at a time when remote working was rare. In life, we have to balance work and our family, especially in jobs where time is demanded.

My other lead-by-example was in spirituality, thanks to my dad. Growing up, my dad was a big proponent of “going to church.” Sundays were the week’s highlight for us as a family, although my dad would sing in the choir, and I would sit in church with my mother. I think for my dad, it was the fact that his family went to church together. We arrived together, and we left together. I also think he was trying to be obedient to God. Train your child up in the Lord.

I saw it much more as a spiritual thing for me and my kids. Not so much as an obedience to God thing. It was vital for me to expose my children to faith. A religion where God created the universe. God is love. And God can bring comfort to you when you need it. My lead by example was my unwavering faith. Faith in God. Faith in marriage. Faith in myself. Faith in my children.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #2

Lesson #2: Prioritize Spending Time with Your Children

Image Credit: Cassidy and Leigh/Shutterstock
Public Domain

Princess Diana understood the importance of spending quality time with her children and was there for them whenever they needed her. She often took them on trips and vacations to create lasting memories. Princess Diana wanted to provide experiences to her children that reflected “normal” childhood activities. She took her children to McDonald’s and ordered Happy Meals. She rode on amusement rides at Disney with them. Princess Di placed her children’s well-being above hers. Most mothers would understand and share this desire.

Like Princess Di, I felt strongly about spending quality time with my children. I took my children to Disney. I also had my share of ordering Happy Meals. One of the most memorable adventures was a trip to Colorado. Why? Because the trip was geared to my specific family. We flew into Denver, picked up an RV, and experienced Colorado. We got lost for a few hours in the middle of nowhere and finally met the paleontologist in Delta for a private tour and excavation. We took a gondola up a mountain in Ouray and visited Mese Verde to explore the cliff dwellings. These were tangible memories. Memories that we experienced as a family. Together. It wasn’t the latest video game or device. It was spending time around a campfire and toasting marshmallows. Yup. That was me.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #1

Princess Diana was a beloved figure who captured the hearts of people worldwide. She was known for her grace, compassion, and humanitarian work, and she continues to be remembered and celebrated as an icon of compassion and kindness. Why have I been fascinated with her all of these years? First, we were the same age. Second, we shared being the mother of two sons.

Lesson #1: Embrace Motherhood with All Your Heart

Princess Diana loved being a mother and devoted herself to her two sons, Prince William and Prince Harry. She believed being a mother was one of the most important roles a woman could have and took her responsibilities seriously.

Like Princess Di, I loved being a mother to two small boys. I took my responsibilities seriously and tried to offer my children what I didn’t have. Opportunity. Opportunity for music lessons. Sports camps. Church camp. Being actively involved. Yup. That was me.

I still love being a mom. It is the highest honor and privilege of my life. My younger son and I share a special bond, and my older son has chosen to keep me out of his life until he chooses not to. So, until then, I will focus my “mothering” skills on helping those who want me in their lives.

I and Thou: Stained Glass

Glass is shattered,
To a thousand pieces.

Picking them up one by one,
Being careful not to get cut.

Crying over the loss,
Not knowing what to do.

An angel whispers,
Keep them in a cherished spot.

One day, you will know what to do,
Follow your heart when you are ready.

Taking a breath, slow and steady,
Sitting with a jar of broken glass.

Laying out work cloth,
Hands put into gloves.

Fitting the shapes side by side,
Creating a pattern – stained glass emerges.

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Today is National Reconciliation Day!

Hello? Is anyone home?
Go Ahead…Call or Text & Say Hello

What is National Reconciliation Day, and why must we spread the word?

First, National Reconciliation Day brings awareness to the brokenness of relationships around us. What would it look like if estranged young adult children knew there was a day to think about reconnecting with a parent they haven’t spoken to for years?

Second, by spreading the word, people will start thinking about their relationships or perhaps about someone they know who may need to reconcile.

Here is information from another post:

National Reconciliation Day, which is on April 2nd each year, urges us to repair relationships that have been damaged through hurtful words or actions. While many different “Days of Reconciliation” are held worldwide, this observance occurs each year on April 2nd.

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Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 7

Moving right along with lessons learned from Queen Elizabeth, we start by stating Lesson #7 and then referring to the previous 6 to refresh our memory.

Lesson #7: It’s Never Too Late to Turn Over a New Leaf

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol
Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for what it is can be Good for the Soul
Lesson #6: Sometimes, it Not the Words…But the Way We Say Them that Matters Most

Growing Old Gracefully

Artist Credit: Mariah Doolittle | Title: Tobacco Leaf Girl

We have seen in previous lessons how Queen Elizabeth seemed to soften as she aged. She enjoyed her grandmother’s role and could blend her queenhood with her grandmother’s function for the first time. Before this time, her life-long service to the people took precedence over all else. As her children married and had their own children, Queen Elizabeth matured as well. It was through this developmental process that she could balance her roles simultaneously. Maybe it was because she became more confident in her role. More confident as a woman. More confident as the leader of her family as well as the Monarchy.

God’s Right Arm

Queen Elizabeth believed she was anointed to her role by a higher power. For her, adhering to the church’s teachings was a duty. We saw that she denied her sister, Margaret, to marry a divorcee. And again, we noticed that in Charles and Diana’s divorce in 1996. Interesting to note that Charles’ brother Andrew was also divorced from his wife, Fergie, in 1996. Yet, Princess Diana’s tragic and unexpected death paved the way forward for Charles to comply with biblical scripture, for Charles to marry Camilla. (See Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 3.) although Camilla’s ex-husband was still alive, which negated the union. We know how that ended.

Changing with the Times

As the culture changed, so did the Queen and royal rule through a gender-neutral lens. For example, changing the Succession to the Crown Act ended the tradition of a younger male sibling superseding an older female sibling in the line of succession. The change took place in 2014. Interestingly, just months before Princess Charlotte was born.

Love One Another

When King Edward VIII abdicated the throne to marry divorcee Wallis Simpson, he was treated like a pariah. So, when Harry married Meghan, we finally saw a bending of the “can’t marry a divorcee rule.” Perhaps, Queen Elizabeth realized that nothing good came from the “disowning” of a family member. Queen Elizabeth may have just discovered what true Christianity was all about. To love one another and not pass judgment.

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National Reconciliation Day

is
April 2!

Adult children are estranging from members of their families (siblings and/or parents and not to mention extended family members) at an alarming rate. I am not talking about abusive, toxic, or those with addictions. I am speaking about parents who were “good enough” mothers and/or fathers. The ones who drove their kids to school made lunches daily and registered them for after-school activities.

No matter how short the estrangement has been, both parties have grown and changed. There may be space for radical acceptance. Help us spread the word that it is OKAY to reach out and attempt to reconnect with a loved one.

Let’s get proactive!

Spread the news, so estranged children see this message.

APRIL 2 IS NATIONAL RECONCILIATION DAY

What is National Reconciliation Day, and why must we spread the word?

First, National Reconciliation Day brings awareness to the brokenness of relationships around us. What would it look like if our ECs knew there was a day to think about reconnecting with us? Please share this information broadly.

Second, by spreading the word, people will start thinking about their relationships or perhaps about someone they know who may need to reconcile.

Here is information from another post:

HOW TO OBSERVE National Reconciliation Day

Take that step and make amends.
It’s not too late. Reach out to that friend or loved one and make a fresh start.
Accept the olive branch when it is offered.
Share your experiences of reconciliation.

RECONCILIATION FAQ

Q. How does one reconcile with another?

A. It may seem like a challenging task. Fear and bitterness often prevent us from taking the necessary steps. One of the best ways is simply by offering an invitation for coffee. Choose a neutral place to talk. Sometimes it takes an apology but don’t expect one. It’s more important to repair the relationship than to dredge up history. Another simple way is to reach out by text, phone, or email.

Q. What gets in the way of reconciliation?

A. There are many reasons why reconciliation fails. Some of them include the following:

Pride
Lack of forgiveness
Lack of perspective
Resentment
Living in the past

Please share with everyone you can. Let’s get this on social media, TikTok, Instagram, Reddit, and Twitter. Ask Libraries, schools-colleges, and Churches to put up posters………. If you google National Reconciliation Day, you will find lots of information.

All it might take is a cup of coffee!!!

Or a text???

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Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 6

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2 Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Lesson #4: Sometimes, it is Important to Break Protocol
Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul

Lesson #6: Sometimes, it is Not the Words…
But the Way We Say Them that
Matters Most

The Eloquent Speaker

There is no doubt that Queen Elizabeth was an eloquent speaker. Sure, she had writers to write her speeches. Yet, her delivery was always on point. Her speeches started with a hook and were quite engaging. They were direct and pleasant to hear. She spoke with dignity and gentle softness, even when delivering bad news.

Practice Makes Perfect

Queen Elizabeth gave her first speech, the “Windsor Speech,” in 1940 when she was a princess. At Winston Churchill’s suggestion, the 14-year-old Elizabeth spent weeks practicing this radio address, whose purpose was to comfort young children sent away from their homes during World War II and, more subtly, to charm America into supporting the fight against the Nazis. According to news sources, the speech boosted the morale of the younger generation and won the support of their United States ally as well.

Hope for the World

In Queen Elizabeth’s first official speech on the evening of her Coronation in 1953, she offered hope. She did not speak of the monarchy’s power but instead of her confidence about the future. It uplifted the world, as many of her public addresses did, as they highlighted the themes of hope and her devotion to serving the people. She came across as a strong yet humble leader.

The Stiff Upper Lip

Queen Elizabeth’s relationship with Diana was mediocre at best. Queen Elizabeth was no model mother-in-law. She took the same approach to Princess Diana as to her own children. One of distance and limited involvement. When Diana asked for mental health treatment, she was denied. After all, what would the public think of a royal who couldn’t solve problems with a stiff upper lip?

The Cold Fish Starts to Thaw

When Princess Diana died in a tragic car accident, all hell broke out at Buckingham Palace. What exactly was the protocol for mourning and the funeral of an ex-wife of a Prince? There wasn’t one. Decisions about these things would have to be made post-haste. One thing was clear, the Queen had shifted into overdrive and did everything she could to help her grandsons process the tragedy in their own way and time.

Queen Elizabeth delayed speaking to the public about Princess Diana’s death. Perhaps she was taking time to process it all. At some point, she realized the necessity of delivering a formal announcement after the enormous outpouring of sympathy. Her tribute to Princess Diana displayed considerable warmth and kindness. It seemed more maternal than usual. Her tone was hopeful, trusting, and uplifting. Her delivery was heartfelt and compassionate. Even through the pain of grief, she felt for her grandsons losing their mother, she stood tall and strong.

Reflections

Contemplating the Queen’s speeches, I offer my thoughts. Queen Elizabeth represents a long line of royalty that dates back centuries. I admired her because she was anointed Queen and held the official title of “Defender of the Faith” by the Church of England. It was this mysterious religious anointing that captivated me.

Queen Elizabeth was clearly rough around the maternal edges. I don’t think “mothering” was instinctual for her, nor was it something she wanted to perfect. It almost seemed beneath her. Which left me perplexed. As there is no more noble duty than motherhood. Yet, by and large, she left the “mothering” to nannies and other royal assistants. However, once she had grandchildren, Queen Elizabeth seemed to reflect a sense of guilt or sadness about the “mothering” she had failed to offer her own children. Yet over time, Queen Elizabeth’s words and actions became more maternal as the number of her grandchildren grew. Softer. More refined and refreshingly warmer. The cold fish was finally beginning to thaw out.

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I and Thou: Pray for Renewal

Whatever your faith is, how satisfied are you with the relationships in your life? And what about those you have with the people you love? Or what about the relationships that are taking a sabbatical? How do we get these relationships back on track? It starts with YOU.

Could you use an uplifting word?
An abundant blessing?
A word of affirmation?
A word of kindness?
A word of grace?

YES!

What would it look like if we ALL prayed (or lifted us up to the Universe) each day for the next 40 days for RENEWAL? I could use some renewal – how about you?

PRAYER

O Mighty Creator of our Universe,

Touch us with your loving hand.
Show us how to give grace.
Fill us with your abundant love.
Renew each one of us.
So, we can transform our relationships,
Through the renewal of OURselves.

Amen

ASH WEDNESDAY

TODAY is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent for those of the Christian Faith.

According to LearnReligions.com:

Lent is the Christian season of spiritual preparation before Easter. In Western churches, it begins on Ash Wednesday. During Lent, many Christians observe a period of fasting, repentance, moderation, self-denial, and spiritual discipline. The purpose of the Lenten season is to set aside time for reflection on Jesus Christ —to consider his suffering and his sacrifice, his life, death, burial, and resurrection.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 5

Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul

Divorce Times Two

Camilla and Andrew’s marriage ended in 1995. The Prince and Princess of Wales’s union officially ended in 1996. As in most families of divorce, it is most difficult on the children. Camilla’s children, a son and a daughter were a bit older at 17 and 20, and hopefully, they weathered it as best they could. Divorce is never easy on children, no matter what their age. Prince William was 14, and Prince Harry was 11. A very rough period for boys in an intact family, let alone a divorced one. Not to mention the under-the-microscope life they live for the world to see. When you think of it, Diana’s death one year later, in 1997, would be enough to throw anyone off the train tracks. That was an enormous amount of loss and stress.

Charles & Camilla…Finally!

These two divorces cleared the way for Prince Charles to finally be with Camilla, the woman he had loved all along. It was no surprise that Prince Charles would marry Camilla with or without the Queen’s blessing. They wed in 2005.

The Blended Family

By then, Prince William was 23, and Prince Harry was 21. It is easy to imagine the two young men emotionally carrying the burdens of being in a broken family.

The twenties are a time of “dynamic shifts for a young man,” per Susan Winter. She continues, “His whole world is opening up, and therefore, he’s unsettled.”
Men’s Ages: What to Expect Throughout His 20’s – Susan Winter.

Blended families require extra patience and understanding. And a bit of family therapy too! Does love win? Maybe, maybe not. In the case of Prince Charles, his love for Diana lessened as his love for Camilla grew as time marched on. We know that his love for Camilla endured the test of time.

Love

So, you see, my kind, gentle readers, love plays a significant role in our lives. It helps us to be better people. A lesson we can all learn from Queen Elizabeth is her acceptance of Prince Charles and Camilla. If Queen Elizabeth can go from calling Camilla the “wicked woman” to the “Queen Consort,” reconciliations are in the realm of possibilities for you too!

After decades of scandal, Queen Elizabeth seemed to apologize to Camilla by appointing her as the Royal Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Yes, it was quite a reversal – wouldn’t you say? Perhaps it was Queen Elizabeth’s way of saying that she was accepting Camilla for the woman she was and that she was a woman who loved her son. In the case of Charles and Camilla, love won. But sometimes, there is a high price to pay for it.

Love with all your heart.

Value your relationships…they are worth more than gold and can be sweeter than chocolate.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

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