Category: Relationships

I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet – Lessons Learned from The Story of Deborah

Earth Shook. Heavens Poured.

When you, Lord, went out from Seir, when you marched from the land of Edom, the earth shook, the heavens poured, the clouds poured down water. The mountains quaked before the Lord, the One of Sinai, before the Lord, the God of Israel.

Judges 5:4-5

Deborah, a prophetess, and a judge led Israel to victory over their enemies. She lived in a time when Israel felt oppressed by the Canaanites, who had 900 iron chariots and a cruel king named Jabin. The Israelites cried out to the Lord for help, and he answered them through Deborah.

10,000 Men.

Deborah summoned Barak, a military leader, and told him to gather 10,000 men from two tribes of Israel. Then, instructed them to go to Mount Tabor. There, the Lord would deliver Jabin’s army into their hands. Barak agreed, but only on one condition: Deborah had to go with him. Deborah accepted but warned him that the honor of defeating Jabin’s general, Sisera, would go to a woman.

Milk. Tent Peg.

The Lord panicked Sisera and his chariots, and they fled before Barak’s army. Sisera abandoned his chariot and ran on foot to the tent of Jael, a woman who was friendly with Jabin. Jael welcomed him into her tent, gave him milk, and covered him with a blanket. Sisera, exhausted from the heat and the fight, fell asleep. Then Jael took a tent peg and a hammer and drove the peg through his temple, killing him.

Deborah’s prophecy was fulfilled: a woman had killed Sisera. Deborah and Barak sang a song of praise to the Lord for giving them victory over their enemies. The land had peace for 40 years.

Lessons Learned

As the Dog Days of Summer officially end, let us learn lessons from Deborah’s story and how it applies to our lives.

1. Don’t Be Afraid to Take Action.
#2. Be the First to Do Something Different.
[But, please don’t drive a peg through someone’s head.]
#3. Practice Teamwork.

Female. Leader. Brave.

Deborah was a fearless leader, the only female judge in Israel. She proved that God could use anyone to carry out a mission. Her keen business skills demanded her to act collaboratively. Jael, a Kenite woman, and Barak, a military leader, have different skill sets. Deborah acted swiftly. She took the initiative. Fear did not stop her.

The next time we hear about an earthquake, remember the Story of Deborah.

Be faithful.
Trust in God.
Praise God for Blessings.

Take a Deep Breath.

Let’s breathe in strategy and action and exhale fear and delay.

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In the Heat of the Day – Lessons Learned from: The Story of Sarah

Drought. Dry. Hot.

The Story of Sarah begins in Canaan at the time of a famine. If a famine is a food shortage, we can infer that the deficit stemmed from a weather condition. Whether it be a drought, a surplus of rain, or a crop failure due to extreme weather. Since there are references in the story about heat, we will infer a drought.

A Great Nation.

God had promised Abraham a great nation. Yet, Abraham had no descendants. Sarah, his wife, was barren.

Hot Temper.

Not waiting in God’s time, Sarah took matters into her own hands and insisted her maidservant Hagar sleep with her husband, Abraham. Hagar conceived a son, Ismael. Sarah’s plan backfired, creating more problems for herself and her family. Instead of trusting God’s timing and wisdom, she acted out of a hot temper. She did not wait for God’s promise to be fulfilled in his way but tried to force it in her way. After Ismael was born, Sarah became more disillusioned and began to despise Hagar. Eventually, Abraham sent Hagar and Ismael away.

Dry. Desert. Miraculous Water.

Abraham gave Hagar some food and water and sent them on their way. They wandered in the desert of Beersheba until they ran out of water. Hagar left Ishmael under a bush and sat down nearby, expecting him to die. But God heard their cries! Hagar’s eyes opened to a well of water nearby. God saved them!

Heat. Laughter. A Baby!

The Lord appeared to Abraham in the heat of the day at the great trees of Mamre. God told Abraham that Sarah would conceive a son. Even though God had promised Abraham a great nation many years prior, Sarah was skeptical. And now, she was long past her child-bearing years. In fact, she laughed.

One year later.

Sure enough, Isaac was born at the exact time that God had said. Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”

Lessons Learned

As we endure the Dog Days of Summer, let us learn lessons from Sarah’s story and apply it to our own lives.

#1. Embrace Faith and Timing.
#2. Exercise Patience and Let Go.
#3. Find Laughter in Unlikely Moments.

Maybe the next time you doubt God. Think again! And let us laugh with God and with each other.

Be faithful. Be patient.

Take a Deep Breath.

Let’s breathe in patience and surrender and exhale impatience and control.

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I and Thou: The Freedom to Return Home

Image Credit: Author Alfred Gatty (1809-1873), published by Bell and Daldy, London
(PD-US-expired)

The Freedom to Return Home

A baby bird in a cage, like an infant in a crib.

Tweets, hops, and flutters, but cannot fly away.

Sits on a perch, swings, back and forth.

Days turn to weeks, weeks flow into months.

Months become years, contemplating direction.

Quick. Smart. Wise.

The cage door opens and opportunity knocks,

Whispering softly, “Come out, come out.”

Independence calls, leaping out in joy,

“Go, find your destiny, not by happenstance.”

Genetics. Nature. Nurture. Self.

There is a hesitation.

Contemplating what lies ahead.

The cage door opens and out flies an eagle.

Tall. Slender. Piercing eyes. Determined.

Solo flight amid internal turmoil.

Triumphantly soaring above the trees.

Heart. Stops. Instantly. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Circumstances warrant rebirth.

Chirping. Singing. Flapping. Swinging. Transforming. Courage.

Homecoming.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #9

Lesson #9: Embrace Who You Are

Princess Diana was a cross between Oprah Winfrey, JK Rowling, Audrey Hepburn, and Mother Theresa. Her charismatic yet shy and soft-spoken demeanor displayed an introverted personality that magically transformed when in the limelight. Her humble, compassionate, and deep caring for the disadvantaged undoubtedly earned her a sainthood-like status. Her global presence captured her individuality, leading her to become the People’s Princess.

Diana entered the royal family as a timid and sensitive young woman and left with a strong sense of selfhood. Along the way, she expressed her individuality by sharing topics of conversation that were once taboo and then became commonplace, such as mental health, HIV/Aids, and banning landmines. Her authenticity made her all the more loveable.

Reflecting on my youth, I remember struggling with living up to high religious expectations. I couldn’t reach the bar. It was too high. Instead, I marched to a different drum. The turning point for me was my first work performance review. I finally felt seen and heard. It was a great feeling! For the first time, I felt valued and appreciated for who I was and what I could do. It gave me the confidence to be myself and pursue my passions.

However, life was not easy. After getting married and starting a family, I faced challenges and disappointments. Slowly the unrealistic expectations of a “happily ever after” and not hitting the bar eroded my self-esteem. Like waves pounding rocks into pebbles and pebbles into the sand, I, like Diana, felt insecure as my self-confidence withered away.

I turned to God and surrendered. White flag and all. My life needed to be nurtured and nourished like a garden of herbs and spices to combat the erosion it was facing. After my failed marriage, I met my life partner, and we learned to tend the garden in tandem. Together is better when two people are in sync and not in a tug-of-war.

Like Princess Diana, I learned that embracing who you are is the key to happiness. It’s important to be true to yourself and not try to live up to unrealistic expectations. By being authentic and genuine, we can inspire others to so too. Diana’s legacy continues to inspire people around the world. We can leave our own legacy by being a blessing to others by being kind, compassionate, and empathetic. By sharing our experiences and being vulnerable, we can encourage and support others who may be going through similar struggles. Doing so can create a ripple effect of positivity that can change the world, one person at a time.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #8

Lesson #8: Be Kind

Image Credit: David Gray / Reuters found in the Public Domain of Images

Princess Diana was known for her kind heart and generous spirit. What small acts of kindness did Princess Diana perform? She may have been the first royal person to touch someone without gloves publicly and was the first to touch someone with HIV/AIDS. Her willingness to see eye-to-eye with her public was a gesture of warmth and kindness as the Princess frequently stooped down on her walkabouts, especially to her young fans.

To instill kindness in her sons, Princess Diana often took them to homeless shelters, hospitals, and orphanages to expose them to all sides of humanity. She did this to inspire them to help others as they matured into adulthood. Diana was indeed a “People’s Princess.”

Reflecting on kindness and my childhood, I saw random acts of kindness from my dad. Whenever he saw a friend or a neighbor walking, he would offer them a ride. My mom showed kindness when she picked up the phone from a friend in need. She would listen and provide encouragement. I often heard her do this as she would say, “A ha and hmm.”

In my first marriage, I tried to exhibit kindness, and I did so for many years. Until I broke. I could no longer be kind-hearted when I felt so downtrodden and disrespected. Children mimicking adult behavior. Poor choice of words. Poor choice of actions. I woke up and realized I had contributed to a situation where I no longer wanted to be a part. I had reached my limit of kindness. Kindness was no longer found in my home, and I could not be the glue anymore.

A kind person apologizes. A kind person tries to discover new ways to approach old wounds. A kind person is supportive. Encouraging. Loving. Life must be filled with kindness, or it no longer supplies the needed oxygen to survive.

Kindness was important for Princess Diana because it gave her a sense of purpose, happiness, and connection with others. It also makes a positive change in so many lives. In Parades, Princess Diana’s Legacy of Kindness, by Roisin Kelly, Ms. Kelly writes this about Princess Diana, “She believed that kindness was the best way to show love and compassion in a world that often suffers from the disease of feeling unloved.” And I believe it too! My life now is ruled by kindness. Kindness is the cornerstone of my marriage. My home. My relationships.

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*Written with the assistance of New Bing AI for research purposes

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #7

Lesson #7: Stand Up for What You Believe In

Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in. She used her voice to challenge the royal system and did things differently. Boy, did Diana do things differently. From breaking from the 1662 tradition of wedding vows, sending her boys to preschool, and wearing black at non-funeral events, she was a rebel in her own right.

Her subtle insistence. Her impish grin. Her brilliant mind. Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in and used her voice to advocate change. Once she realized she had a platform with the public, she wittingly raised awareness of taboo subjects such as HIV/AIDS, mental health, and banning landmines.

Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in by being a hands-on parent to her children. She went to great lengths to provide her children with “normal” kid things such as a Disney vacation, a McDonald’s happy meal, and participating in school events, such as the annual parent’s race, where Diana came in first place in 1988.** She broke royal protocol by being herself – a down-to-earth, fun-loving, jest-for-life person.

Marriage. Parenting. Divorce. Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in and lived a life where she instilled values of honesty, compassion, and kindness. She believed in fairness by fighting for a fair divorce settlement, including shared custody of her children. Diana worked tirelessly to provide a smooth transition for her children to limit the emotional damage divorce does to children. Above all else, she loved her children. She believed in them.

In reflecting on my life, standing up for what I believe in seemed to be a challenge for me. Most likely, stemming from childhood trauma. From that time forward, I felt that I had no voice. It took decades to realize these traumas impacted my relationships far more significantly than I realized then. First marriage. Parenting. Divorce. In my first marriage, I was viewing life through a particular lens. A lens that was colored. Dark. Unfocused. Unable to see the murkiness. Until one day. One day, it all came into focus. It was the day my then-husband did the unspeakable. All in a flash, I saw the truth. And pain.

I was willing to do the hard work, like Princess Diana, of speaking my truth, which enabled me to leave a broken marriage, better myself as a mother, and remarry and become the wife I was meant to be. Standing up for myself has allowed me to be free. Free from harsh words. Free from unkindness. Free from disrespect.

Like Diana, I, too, was a supportive mom to my sons in their growing-up years. I have been and always will be their best cheerleader. Princess Diana inspired millions of people around the world. I have inspired a few here and there too. Diana gradually realized she had a platform to use her voice over time as she gained more confidence as a royal. She also was “just a mom.” She used her voice to speak out against injustice and advocate change. Change in what vows are read at weddings, how we can parent and fulfill career responsibilities at the same time, and why it is necessary to have good mental health.

I am trying to be more like Diana. I speak about estrangement. It is an injustice. I want to bring awareness of how estrangement rips families apart. The other day, a Rabbi called it “psychological murder.” Although it seems harsh, I couldn’t agree more. Knowing your child lives somewhere but not exactly sure where, not having a way to tell whether he reads texts or emails, is like a slow death. Over and over. Each time the phone rings. Each time email is checked. Each time mail is retrieved from the mailbox. Will I ever hear from my son? Parents must be held accountable for alienating themselves, their children, their parents, and extended family members from others including, the other “targeted” parent. The court system must be held accountable for perpetuating broken relationships. Let’s fix it. Together. Together is better.

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  • *https://www.thelist.com/288119/14-times-princess-diana-broke-strict-royal-rules/
  • **https://www.newsweek.com/fact-check-princess-diana-break-royal-protocol-school-moms-race-1738917
  • Written with the assistance of new Bing AI for research purposes.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #6


Lesson #6: Embrace Vulnerability

Image Source: hotcore dot info/babki/
lady-diana-cooper-quotes dot htm

Princess Diana used her public image and royal status to bring humility and honesty to the field of mental health. The life and legacy of Princess Diana embraced the vulnerability of others and, more poignantly herself. In her openness to her personal challenges, she may have unwittingly encouraged us all to confront our demons and seek professional help.

Princess Diana openly spoke about her battles with depression, self-doubt, and postpartum depression. By sharing her experiences, she humanized mental health issues and sparked conversations that were often considered taboo. This applied to her marriage woes as well. Diana had a knack for deeply relating to the public in many ways. After her troubled marriage became public knowledge, she openly discussed her challenges, allowing others struggling to feel seen and heard. She was a trailblazer.

As a teenager and young woman, I dreamed of creating a nurturing and safe space for my children. I imagined a warm and fuzzy place where heart-to-heart talks would be encouraged. I pictured two parents on the same page of the “Parenting Book.” But it didn’t end up that way as my children were growing up. The parents who I grew up with, that made me feel safe and loved and taught me how to be expressive by holding hands and kissing, were not the parents my children had. And yes, this still haunts me every now and again.

Reflecting on my journey of vulnerability as a parent, “I need to put on the oxygen mask first,” thinking comes to mind. I saw the benefit of counseling and sought it several times during and after my first marriage and a few times before my second marriage. I realized that two-way communication was the secret sauce in healthy relationships.

Good mental health requires people to be open and honest with themselves, their partners, and their children. Counseling requires hard introspective work, and many are just not ready to make that commitment. Often more time is needed to be ready for counseling. Or a fixed mindset prevents them from seeing the benefits of therapy or any help or assistance in general. It takes courage to acknowledge and express our true selves. Princess Diana showed the world that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but of strength that fosters connection, empathy, and understanding. All of which necessitate some form of communication.

A smile.
A warm touch.
A glance.
A laugh.
A text.
An email.
A phone call.

I acknowledge moments of self-doubt, uncertainty, and the poor navigating of the often-hard road that parenting requires. Yet, I did something right because my children turned out to be okay. Both graduated from top-notch universities. Both are independent. Both are genuinely kind people if you dig deep enough. I’m sure we could agree that healthy relationships are vital in today’s ever-changing world. Even tricky words, we occasionally need to hear, are worth the effort.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #5

Lesson #5: Be Compassionate

Princess Diana showed compassion in her daily living. She was compassionate toward herself, her family, and the global world. She empathized with those who struggled. Her warm nature bubbled out of her. Princess Diana had a particular type of charisma that was soft and infusive. It slowly dripped and left a trail where ever she went. From her impish grin to her sensitive, loving eyes, she brought authenticity to the monarchy like none other.

Photo Credit: Tim Graham/Getty Images in the Public Domain

One of Princess Diana’s most memorable moments of compassion was when she began her campaign for those suffering from AIDS. She publicly touched people with the disease early on, maybe even before anyone else. She shook hands and hugged the vulnerable. Now, we can look back and say that AIDS wasn’t contractable through touch. But then. No. The disease was new. There was misinformation everywhere. Very similar to when Covid hit in early 2020. There was speculation and a frenzy. Yet, Princess Diana believed that people who had AIDS were still people. Human. And they needed to be loved.

Princess Diana instilled her compassionate nature in her children. She took every opportunity to expose them to the real world. She did not want them to live sheltered lives. Princess Di wanted to teach her children about love. Compassion. Those less fortunate.

Reflecting on my more active mothering years, I, like Princess Diana, tried to instill compassion in my children. I once brought my son to an inner-city church to serve Thanksgiving Dinner to the homeless. I wanted my children to know that there were those less fortunate. I wanted them to appreciate what they had.

As a parent, I tried to infuse love and warmth into our home. It was challenging because I felt the friction of a partner who seemed to undermine every move I made. The more I wanted something, the more my partner fought against it. It was like an oil and vinegar thing. I know now that we were both working through childhood trauma. Whether he would admit that now is anyone’s guess.

Compassion and empathy are traits that can be taught by action. The world will improve if we commit ourselves to be less judgmental, more loving, and speaking kinder words. Princess Diana taught the world about compassion. A lesson undoubtedly worth learning.

Visit http://www.iandthoureflections.com for more lessons learned.

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New Book Release on Estrangement

Reflections, Poems, & Prayers on ESTRANGEMENT by Nadia Crane has recently been released. This book describes the 8 Stages of Estrangement and more. The author does a great job of simplifying the painful process of estrangement. Ms. Crane offers inspirational reflections, prayers, and poems after the reader becomes intimately personal with the topic. She then goes on to provide a crash course in it with, Estrangement 101.

This book outlines the 8 Stages of Estrangement, as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross describes the grief process related to death in her well-known 5 Stages of Grief. Grief and estrangement overlap in three of the five stages of grief. They are denial, anger, and acceptance. In Ms. Crane’s analysis, her 8 stages add another layer of acceptance, and includes rejection, shame and blame, fear, and healing.

Let’s bring more awareness of this ever-growing epidemic of broken relationships to the masses. If you know a parent who has been shunned, abandoned, blocked or has had no contact with their child, please bring this resource to their attention. If you know someone who is not speaking to their parent for other than abusive, addictive, or other harmful behaviors, please encourage them to reach out to their parent. A parent and child can reconnect with deep compassion, respect, and understanding. Order today and take the first step toward a deeper understanding of this exploding topic.

Wishing families healthy connections!

For more information visit: http://www.iandthoureflections.com

#estrangement #alienation #estrangementepidemic #estrangementbook #estrangementfromparents #estrangementdefinition

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #4

Lesson #4: Advocate for Children

Source Image: Pinterest and in the Public Domain

Princess Diana was a dedicated advocate for children. Whether at a children’s hospital, on a field of land mines, or on a walkabout, her passion was seen on her face in many photographs where she often placed a child on her lap. Princess Diana believed every child deserved a safe and happy childhood after her not-so-happy childhood, experiencing her parent’s divorce at seven. The abandonment she felt led her to deeply empathize with children who experienced trauma. Whether it was trauma from homelessness, Aids, or landmines.

As a mother, Princess Diana was hands-on. Since she knew first-hand what divorce does to a child (her), she went to great lengths to make her children feel loved and safe through her divorce from Prince Charles. She effortlessly tried to expose William and Harry to “normal” kids’ stuff, such as public schools, and wearing “commoner” clothes like jeans and t-shirts. How did the Princess do that? Spending quality time with them doing fun things such as going to amusement parks, taking vacations, and enjoying a “Happy Meal” together. It was reported on Elle.com, “She also encouraged her children to express their emotions and be open about their feelings.”

Reflecting on my advocating for children, I leaned into another direction toward education. Most of my career has been teaching or coaching students at all levels. I empathized with the underdog. The child who didn’t have a parent read books to them. Or the teenager who didn’t know how to apply to college. Or the college student who was discerning their calling in life.

As far as my mothering skills, like Princess Diana, I, too, wanted my children to have a “normal” life filled with love, security, and hope for the future. I spent endless hours planning birthday parties, shopping for the perfect selections to place into goodie bags and rejuvenating my creativity of appropriate party activities based on the party theme. That was how I loved my kids. I wonder what they remember or whether or not they cared if a lady was singing with a guitar, the bouncy house was big enough, or digging and finding dinosaur fossils in the sandbox.

The cliche of “I did the best I could” does not fit here. It seems old. Ragged. Better questions would be:

“Did I really do my best?”

“Did I do the parties for my kids?”

“Or did I do them for myself?”

“Was I subconsciously filling an unmet need?”

These are good questions to ponder this Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Written with the assistance of New Bing AI

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