#Love – Page 6 – I and Thou Reflections

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #10

Lesson #10: Carpe Diem

The final Lesson Learned from Princess Diana will focus on her zest for life. And how she seized the day with gusto!

Zest for life is a feeling of enjoyment and enthusiasm for living.
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/zest-for-life

Princess Diana was warm-hearted, zesty, and full of spunk. She had the gift of knowing what to say and when. She didn’t overstep her bounds, yet she was able to get her point across through action and facial gestures. Diana knew that her every move was being microscopically scrutinized. And she learned how to use this to her advantage. Her early childhood dance lessons taught her to focus on movement with grace. And that she did throughout her life.

Even during the dark days of her marriage, she could hold her head up high and get through the day. Yes, she experienced the trauma of an adulterer. Which led to various ways of healthy and unhealthy coping. Yet, she pulled through and continued to push herself to greatness.

The greatness of humanitarian work.

The greatness of being a good mother.

The greatness of advocating for good mental health care.

“I want to do, not just to be.” – Diana, Princess of Wales.
26 Princess Diana Quotes—Inspiring Quotes from the People’s Princess | Reader’s Digest (rd.com)

Princess Diana warmed the heart of nations. She left an indelible mark on society, and that mark was to SIEZE THE DAY!

Do what you love.

Tell people you love them.

Hug them.

ACT.

Reflecting on my mothering skills, I showed my children zest for life. By loving them. Hugging them. Supporting them. Encouraging them.

To try.

To do their best.

To pursue their passions.

My kids were cub scouts and played t-ball, baseball, soccer, tennis, football, and lacrosse. They learned to swim and pursued the discipline of tai kwon do. They sang in the children’s choir for years and went to Sunday school. They were tutored and were tutors. They played keyboard, trombone, clarinet, and saxophone. They spoke French and Spanish. They were golf caddies. They graduated from respectable universities.

And they were two sons with divorced parents – unlike me.

Like Diana, my marriage failed miserably, and my zest was zapped. It led me on a dark path. Yet, after I spent time wallowing in my sorrow, I picked myself up. Thanks to God who whooped me in the pants to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I felt transformed. Full of zest. Full of life. And love to give. And receive. Freely. It was and still is a wonderful feeling.

Carpe Diem!

It isn’t easy the seize the day, every day. There are hindrances, like migraines or feeling tired. Or plain ole–old age. Yet, I have a bubble inside of me waiting to burst. To love and to be loved. When I love, I love hard.

What is the key to life? For me, it is creating a more peaceful and compassionate world. One where we seek to understand and respect our differences.

To live humbly.

To live with a purpose.

To inspire others.

To hope.

To love.

To as the University of Ozarks’ motto is, “Live life more fully.”

Love one another. Inspire one another. Laugh with one another and cry with one another. With vim, vigor, and a dose of zest!

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #5

Lesson #5: Be Compassionate

Princess Diana showed compassion in her daily living. She was compassionate toward herself, her family, and the global world. She empathized with those who struggled. Her warm nature bubbled out of her. Princess Diana had a particular type of charisma that was soft and infusive. It slowly dripped and left a trail where ever she went. From her impish grin to her sensitive, loving eyes, she brought authenticity to the monarchy like none other.

Photo Credit: Tim Graham/Getty Images in the Public Domain

One of Princess Diana’s most memorable moments of compassion was when she began her campaign for those suffering from AIDS. She publicly touched people with the disease early on, maybe even before anyone else. She shook hands and hugged the vulnerable. Now, we can look back and say that AIDS wasn’t contractable through touch. But then. No. The disease was new. There was misinformation everywhere. Very similar to when Covid hit in early 2020. There was speculation and a frenzy. Yet, Princess Diana believed that people who had AIDS were still people. Human. And they needed to be loved.

Princess Diana instilled her compassionate nature in her children. She took every opportunity to expose them to the real world. She did not want them to live sheltered lives. Princess Di wanted to teach her children about love. Compassion. Those less fortunate.

Reflecting on my more active mothering years, I, like Princess Diana, tried to instill compassion in my children. I once brought my son to an inner-city church to serve Thanksgiving Dinner to the homeless. I wanted my children to know that there were those less fortunate. I wanted them to appreciate what they had.

As a parent, I tried to infuse love and warmth into our home. It was challenging because I felt the friction of a partner who seemed to undermine every move I made. The more I wanted something, the more my partner fought against it. It was like an oil and vinegar thing. I know now that we were both working through childhood trauma. Whether he would admit that now is anyone’s guess.

Compassion and empathy are traits that can be taught by action. The world will improve if we commit ourselves to be less judgmental, more loving, and speaking kinder words. Princess Diana taught the world about compassion. A lesson undoubtedly worth learning.

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I and Thou: A Tribute to Mothers

A Vessel of Love

You are a mother, a giver of life,
and a vessel of love.

You are a mother, a source of strength,
and a spiritual rock.

You are a mother, a teacher,
and a light on a path.

You are a mother, a woman who inspires, uplifts,
and treasures relationships.

You are a mother, firmly rooted,
imparting wisdom to those who seek it.

You are a mother, an anchor, steadfast,
and unshakable.

You are a mother, who loves unconditionally,
no matter the circumstances.

You are a mother, a compassionate, kind,
and daughter of the Almighty.

You are a mother, a hopeful, inspirational,
and uplifting person.

You are a mother, a mother to many,
and a legacy to follow.

You are a mother, a precious creation,
to be celebrated today and every day.

*Image Credit: Mother & Son*
*Painting Valley dot com*

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #3

Lesson #3: Lead by Example

*Image Credit: Public Domain / Source Unknown*

Princess Diana believed that actions speak louder than words and led by example in her interactions with her children. She taught them kindness, compassion, and empathy through her own actions. How did the Princess do that? By bringing them along with her as she performed her royal duties. So, in 1993, Prince William, then 9 months, accompanied his parents on their trip to Australia and New Zealand. This action set a precedent; since then, Prince William and Prince Harry have had their own children on business trips. Quite a bit different from the mothering of Queen Elizabeth.

In the recent Forbes article, by Maura Thomas, What Does Work-Life Balance Even Mean? “To some, work-life balance means the convenience of managing a personal life during the workday without the hassle of getting permission or explaining our activities to others. Another common definition of work-life balance is equal time or priority to personal and professional activities.'” Whichever way you look at the work-life balance issue, Princess Diana was a true trailblazer in this regard. Years later, the monarchy was finally endorsing the concept of work-life balance.

Reflecting on my mothering skills and leading by example, I think of the early days of my professional career and as a young mother. I worked in academia, and my job required me to be there for extra hours to entertain recruiters searching for new hires. Early on, I brought my son to work occasionally. I also worked at home one or two days per week. My direct report understood the importance of work-life balance. And I was grateful for his flexibility at a time when remote working was rare. In life, we have to balance work and our family, especially in jobs where time is demanded.

My other lead-by-example was in spirituality, thanks to my dad. Growing up, my dad was a big proponent of “going to church.” Sundays were the week’s highlight for us as a family, although my dad would sing in the choir, and I would sit in church with my mother. I think for my dad, it was the fact that his family went to church together. We arrived together, and we left together. I also think he was trying to be obedient to God. Train your child up in the Lord.

I saw it much more as a spiritual thing for me and my kids. Not so much as an obedience to God thing. It was vital for me to expose my children to faith. A religion where God created the universe. God is love. And God can bring comfort to you when you need it. My lead by example was my unwavering faith. Faith in God. Faith in marriage. Faith in myself. Faith in my children.

I and Thou: Pray for Renewal

Whatever your faith is, how satisfied are you with the relationships in your life? And what about those you have with the people you love? Or what about the relationships that are taking a sabbatical? How do we get these relationships back on track? It starts with YOU.

Could you use an uplifting word?
An abundant blessing?
A word of affirmation?
A word of kindness?
A word of grace?

YES!

What would it look like if we ALL prayed (or lifted us up to the Universe) each day for the next 40 days for RENEWAL? I could use some renewal – how about you?

PRAYER

O Mighty Creator of our Universe,

Touch us with your loving hand.
Show us how to give grace.
Fill us with your abundant love.
Renew each one of us.
So, we can transform our relationships,
Through the renewal of OURselves.

Amen

ASH WEDNESDAY

TODAY is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent for those of the Christian Faith.

According to LearnReligions.com:

Lent is the Christian season of spiritual preparation before Easter. In Western churches, it begins on Ash Wednesday. During Lent, many Christians observe a period of fasting, repentance, moderation, self-denial, and spiritual discipline. The purpose of the Lenten season is to set aside time for reflection on Jesus Christ —to consider his suffering and his sacrifice, his life, death, burial, and resurrection.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 5

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol

Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul

Divorce Times Two

Camilla and Andrew’s marriage ended in 1995. The Prince and Princess of Wales’s union officially ended in 1996. As in most families of divorce, it is most difficult on the children. Camilla’s children, a son and a daughter were a bit older at 17 and 20, and hopefully, they weathered it as best they could. Divorce is never easy on children, no matter what their age. Prince William was 14, and Prince Harry was 11. A very rough period for boys in an intact family, let alone a divorced one. Not to mention the under-the-microscope life they live for the world to see. When you think of it, Diana’s death one year later, in 1997, would be enough to throw anyone off the train tracks. That was an enormous amount of loss and stress.

Charles & Camilla…Finally!

These two divorces cleared the way for Prince Charles to finally be with Camilla, the woman he had loved all along. It was no surprise that Prince Charles would marry Camilla with or without the Queen’s blessing. They wed in 2005.

The Blended Family

By then, Prince William was 23, and Prince Harry was 21. It is easy to imagine the two young men emotionally carrying the burdens of being in a broken family.

The twenties are a time of “dynamic shifts for a young man,” per Susan Winter. She continues, “His whole world is opening up, and therefore, he’s unsettled.”
Men’s Ages: What to Expect Throughout His 20’s – Susan Winter.

Blended families require extra patience and understanding. And a bit of family therapy too! Does love win? Maybe, maybe not. In the case of Prince Charles, his love for Diana lessened as his love for Camilla grew as time marched on. We know that his love for Camilla endured the test of time.

Love

So, you see, my kind, gentle readers, love plays a significant role in our lives. It helps us to be better people. A lesson we can all learn from Queen Elizabeth is her acceptance of Prince Charles and Camilla. If Queen Elizabeth can go from calling Camilla the “wicked woman” to the “Queen Consort,” reconciliations are in the realm of possibilities for you too!

After decades of scandal, Queen Elizabeth seemed to apologize to Camilla by appointing her as the Royal Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Yes, it was quite a reversal – wouldn’t you say? Perhaps it was Queen Elizabeth’s way of saying that she was accepting Camilla for the woman she was and that she was a woman who loved her son. In the case of Charles and Camilla, love won. But sometimes, there is a high price to pay for it.

Love with all your heart.

Value your relationships…they are worth more than gold and can be sweeter than chocolate.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

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I and Thou: Enduring Love

Help me to understand what will open an adult child’s heart,
To a mother who loves from the bottom of hers.

Enduring Love

Inhale, exhale, breathe
Radiant, brilliant, love…
Angelic, darling, blessing
Heartwarming, tender, love…
Soft, innocent, canvas
Soaking, smothering, love…
Tantrums, reasoning, scolding
Defiance, anger, love…
One sided, myopic, headstrong
Dagger, piercing, love…
Words, spoken, unspoken
Heartbroken, apologetic, love…
Emotions, escalating, uncontrollable
Turmoil, conflict, love…
Exposure, external, culture
Influential, distant, love…
Literal, physical, separation
Wretched, incomplete, love…
Conjectures, puzzles, confusion
Murky, respectful, love…
Reflections, introspection, self-identity
Safety, security, love…
Vulnerable, open, inviting
Reparations, acceptance, love…
Changing, growing, maturing
Compassionate, enduring, love.

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I and Thou – A Random Scroll of Love

My career services vocation started at Stevens Institute of Technology before the existence of social media. So, it was easy to lose track of the thousands of students who came and went over my thirteen-year tenure there. Yet, I did keep track of a few by the old-fashioned postcard or holiday greeting card method. Fast forward fifteen years, when Facebook and LinkedIn became integral to my daily routine. I could reconnect with hundreds of past and present students through these two social platforms. And what a delight it has been to see these awestruck young college graduates go off and live such extraordinary lives. I seldom comment although I give out thumbs-ups often. For me, it is a sign you matter. YOU do matter. And you matter to more people than you would imagine. It also, for me, doesn’t have anything to do with job title or success. It is all about love.

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found a delightful young couple posting a few of their recent wedding pictures. I met these fine people as college students in Arkansas. A little further down on the page, I saw a post from a student I met thirty years ago who was running the Philadelphia Marathon. Seeing the facial expressions on the couple and the runner was all about love. Love for each other. Love for passions. Love for life.

So, what seems to be a random scroll for some, for me, is someone’s life window and the privilege of peeking through.

Artist Credit: Fragments of My Childhood by Maria Varga-Hansen

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 3

In Lesson #1, Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well. Queen Elizabeth chose duty over love twice. Once, her sister wanted to marry a divorced Mr. Townsend. Then she dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla because she felt that Camilla was not “good enough” to be in the royal family.

Queen Elizabeth used her power and influence to derail the budding romance between Princess Charles and Camilla. In Lesson #2, we learned Mothers Don’t Always Know Best. We answered three questions. What does it mean to be “good enough?” What does it mean to be a positive role model? And what does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?”

Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality

Prince Charles and Diana

Prince Charles first met Diana when he was dating her sister, Sarah, in 1977. He delighted in Diana and her exuberance despite her being young and naive. In 1980, Prince Charles, 32, began dating Diana and six months later, in February of 1981, became engaged to Lady Diana Spencer, 19, the daughter of 8th Earl Spencer. So, right from the get-go, Diana had a title. As if to say to the world having a title makes you worthy. If you want to read more about worthiness, see “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2.”

An Illusion is What We See

The fairytale romance was not all that it seemed to be. Two weeks before their wedding, Diana found out that a personalized bracelet with Charles and Camilla’s nicknames had been given to Camilla from Charles a few days before the wedding. It did not sit well with Diana. Young and inexperienced, she wanted to call the wedding off. Yet, her sisters reminded her that her face was already on the tea towels. In other words, it was too late for Diana to back out.

The pictures taken on her wedding day revealed a solemn young woman, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and uncertain of what would be next for her and her Prince. The secret gift-giving gesture to another woman days before his wedding was downright cruel of Prince Charles. For Diana, doubt was cast. Even so, they ended up having the wedding of the century.

A Delusion is What We Think

Diana thought the “other woman” (Camilla) was the only woman who received a gift before the royal wedding.

Artist Credit: Delusion Painting by Soledad Lawrence at Saatchiart dot dom

Marrying a prince and adjusting to a royal life would be overwhelming for anyone. It would not be easy to navigate, no matter how “royal” you might be. Throw in another romantic partner to the mix, and the situation becomes electrically charged with deep-seated feelings and emotions. It would be easy to imagine how alone Diana felt with no one to talk to and not knowing who she could trust. Especially hearing and seeing Prince Charles through the lens of “that bracelet.” It was reported that Charles presented several women he had dated with gifts before his wedding as a “thank you/wish you well” sentiment. That very vital piece of information did not make its way to Diana.

“Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” – 1995
The Sydney Morning Herald

Attempting to master the pressures from the Queen, the “institution,” and the Public was what Princess Diana had to do. Eventually, not only did she acclimate, Diana became an icon for the royal family. Why? Because Diana was the People’s Princess. She had this innate ability to see people’s faces. All people. All emotions. She touched the sick. She hugged the children.

Reality Is What It Is

Prince Charles told Diana that he did not love her the night before the wedding because he “didn’t want to go into the marriage on a false premise.”
Prince Charles Confession Night Before Wedding was ‘Devastating’ for Princess Diana, by Jack Royston, Newsweek, 11/10/20

Princess Diana still managed to convey a caring personality through the pain of feeling unloved by her husband. Genuine. Loving. Kind. Insomuch that it likely threatened the monarchy. Most certainly, it threatened Prince Charles or, at the very least, caused him great pain and humiliation as crowds of millions wanted to see her. Touch her. Present flowers to her. All the while as Charles walked separately and looked disgusted and defeated.

Charles placed “duty” over “love” by marrying the “right” type of person. Diana was. Camilla was not. The stark reality was that Diana loved Charles, Camilla loved Charles, and Charles loved Camilla. Charles did not love Diana. For most new brides, the illusion, delusion, and reality of another woman in their husband’s life would devastate their marriage, self-esteem, and overall mental health.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2

In a nutshell, the takeaway message from my previous post, “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth, Part 1,” was this: duty and love rarely mix well. We looked at duty and love specifically through the eyes of the Church – between the Queen and her sister Margaret and her son Prince Charles. In both instances, all parties chose duty over love. In accordance with prevailing church doctrine, Queen Elizabeth denied her sister’s request to marry the divorced Mr. Townsend. And decades later, Queen Elizabeth dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla.

In Part 2, we will see how love and this sense of duty became increasingly muddled as time passed. We go back to the early 1970s, when Queen Elizabeth’s son, Prince Charles, fell in love with Camilla. Although Charles was smitten with Camilla, his family disapproved. And the Queen made it quite clear that Camilla didn’t fit the mold for Prince Charles.

Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
[Even if she IS the Queen]

Love and Worthiness

Most of us are familiar with the love affair of Camilla and Prince Charles. Meeting in 1971, it was widely reported that they had fallen head over heels for each. However, from the very start, this relationship would prove to be problematic. According to a book by Penny Junor, The Duchess: Camilla Parker Bowles and the Love Affair That Rocked the Crown, Camilla was not “perceived as aristocratic enough to be a princess.” Perhaps Queen Elizabeth didn’t think so either.

So, why was it so crucial for Queen Elizabeth to have a more “suitable” daughter-in-law? No one will know for sure, yet one can surmise it was due to the public’s perception that Camilla wasn’t “good enough.” In other words, this potential spouse of the prince would not be a positive role model. Would the future princess have what it took to be a royal? The Queen and many others no doubt didn’t think so.

Credit: Abstract Art by Maren Devine on Etsy.com

Questions to Ask

What does it mean to be “good enough?”

What does it mean to be a positive role model?

What does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?

In Proverbs 31, characteristics of a godly woman include lacking nothing of value, opening her arms to the poor, exhibiting dignity and strength, and speaking with wisdom. No one would argue that it would take a unique, powerful woman to hold such a public office. The potential princess must have a sound mind and a sense of duty to the monarchy and her husband.

Back to Queen Elizabeth. No one would argue that the Queen put duty first. Clearly, she did not see Camilla as a suitable wife for Charles. And consequently, she did what she could to derail the Camilla and Charles romance. Had the Queen minded her own business, Camilla could have very well been Prince Charles’ first and only wife. For him, it was a matter of love. For his mother, it was a matter of duty to the monarchy, the Church of England, and its traditions.

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