#relationships – Page 2 – I and Thou Reflections

A Thanksgiving Mindset – Part 2

Last weekend, I dragged my husband to the Arts and Crafts Festival to a section of Tampa called Temple Terrace. The closest parking was about a half mile from the event. When we walked through a parking area into the part, a regal-looking historic building sat majestically on a bed of lush green grass.

Artist Credit: Chrysalis by Patricia Allingham Carlson
fine america dot com

Built in 1914 as a horse stable, The Woodmont Clubhouse is the oldest structure in Temple Terrace. It served as a schoolhouse and is now the home of the Woman’s Club and a venue for special events.

As I squinted at the building, I marveled at its timeless beauty and rich history. I found myself lost in thoughts of transformation. The transformation of a horse stable to a schoolhouse. And, then, to a venue for special occasions.

I thought of resilience and evolution. This brought me back to the theme of transformation. Which, of course, means personal growth for me. I pondered how we could convert this sense of transformation into a Thanksgiving mindset?

Timeless beauty.
Architectural grandeur.
Serene and tranquil.
A treasure trove of memories.
Harmonious and picturesque.

It is simple:
Transformation and Introspection.

You can’t have one without the other.

Let’s begin with Introspection.

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it. It’s not enough to dream of it. It’s not even enough to pray for it.
You must work at it.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Introspection requires:

Developing a Gratitude Attitude
Improving Self through Assessment Tools
Understanding Healthy Dynamics of Relationships
Practicing Mindfulness
Respecting Cultural and Spiritual Interpretations

Introspection demands a heart of gratitude to understand the emotions and attachments we have with things. Embracing ourselves as unique sons and daughters of the Almighty Designer of the Universe initiates this journey.

You must work at it!

Self-improvement involves learning lessons, identifying areas for growth, and recognizing strengths through self-assessment tools.

You must work at it!

Strengthening our relationships with others involves observing and learning from them.

You must work at it!

By examining our origins, family system, and individual experiences, we can better recognize triggers so we can redirect ourselves in a healthier way. Digging deep into childhood and unpacking past trauma takes work! It is not for the faint of heart.

You must work at it!

Mindfulness, a multifaceted practice, involves grounding ourselves in the present, examining the past through a magnifying glass with a different lens, creating space to dream, and setting goals for personal growth.

You must work at it!

By fostering a Thanksgiving mindset of introspection, we can truly celebrate beyond material abundance to a godly abundance within ourselves and share joy with those we cherish.

We’ll explore Transformation next time.

A Thanksgiving Mindset – Part 1

*Artist Credit: Gratitude by*
*Victoria Campbell*

The other day, I was in a Marshalls’ store and Christmas music was piping through the speakers. I caught myself humming to the music, and then I stopped. Dead in my tracks. And out loud, I quietly muttered, “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet!”

As I strolled the aisles, I noticed the festive and glittery Christmas section. There were huge bins filled with holiday merchandise on wheels waiting to find a home on the store floor. I pondered how we could convert this sense of abundance into a Thanksgiving mindset?

It is simple:
Thanks and Giving.

Let’s begin with gratitude.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Melody Beattie

Let’s be thankful for who we are.

Where we are.

How we are.

And why we are.

Redirect.

Instead of conforming to the materialism of the holiday, we can redirect our focus to enriching our own lives and the lives of others. Which can be done by doing instead of buying.

By focusing less on the shopping gods who want us to spend our money on frivolous gifts, we can spend more time being grateful for what we have right now.

Who are the people in your life who genuinely want you in theirs? Who extends a warm welcome? Who reaches out for help or to simply say, “Hi?” Thanksgiving is the perfect time to center our thoughts on gratitude for the people and experiences that shape our lives.

When we embrace a mindset of thankfulness, we will naturally want to give back to others. We want to help those in need. Those less fortunate.

What can we do to help others?

We can purchase one small item when we go shopping and place it in a box to give away during the holidays.

Or, we can visit an elderly person in a nursing home who may want some company.

A video call to catch up with someone who impacted our lives and whom we have lost touch with might also be an excellent expression of gratitude.

By fostering a Thanksgiving mindset of both thankfulness and giving, we can truly celebrate the season in a way that extends beyond material abundance to a godly abundance of doing good for others.

But what if you don’t feel thankful?

I think most of us would agree that stress and anxiety are part of the holidays, no matter what stage of life you are in. Even as a youngster, I remember feeling anxious about what Santa would leave under the tree. Would it really be what I wanted? Or, something else?

So, I get it. It sure is difficult to focus on gratitude when life sometimes, just simply sucks.

I get that – all too well.

If the holidays are overwhelming, please reach out to a trusted friend, or a professional to help you navigate this time of year.

Mild Moses Takes the Lead! – Lessons Learned from the Wandering Israelites

Reading how God uses weather to serve purposes for the greater good is fascinating. Today, we will look at the Israelites wandering in the desert.

A Pillar of Cloud.

By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.
Exodus 13:21

God’s Navigational System.

After the 10 plagues in Egypt, the Israelites began their 40-year trek in the wilderness. At first, they were afraid. They didn’t know where to go. They cried out to God. God sent a cloud by day and fire by night to lead them. Of course, they thought it would take less than forty years. They probably thought it would take only a few months. Can you imagine traveling as a “people” with thousands of mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers?

The Building of a Leader.

At first, Moses did not think he was capable of leading anyone. He told God that he was slow in speech and tongue. (Exodus 4:10) God wanted to use Moses because of Moses’ humility and willingness to follow God’s direction. God rarely uses the eloquent, strong person to accomplish his mission. He chooses the most unlikely people who turn around and become strong, vibrant leaders.

A Resilient People.

Image Credit: Dorling Kindersley Print
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Moses spent years honing his leadership skills in managing this great exodus. He learned patience, delegation, and conflict management. His vision and direction created a resilient people. After Moses passed away, God called Joshua to bring the Israelites to Caanan.

Lessons Learned

#1. Strength Comes from Unity and Community.
#2. Wisdom and Inspiration can be found in Family Connections.
#3. Obstacles Prepare Us for Our Life Journey.

Together is Better

In a world where we may feel alone, we can find others who identify with us and can help us overcome challenges. We can achieve goals by leaning on each other for encouragement and support. Can you think of a time when you were discouraged and wanted to quit, yet a friend or loved one encouraged you to continue? What was the outcome?

Gene Pool

Do you have a hankering for salt air? Or you like the cold when it nips your nose. The geographical location of your family of origin might shed some light on some of these quirky feelings you have had all your life.

Family stories provide us with a rich history of what our ancestor’s life journeys may have been like. These stories teach us values. And values can be strengthened by a greater sense of identity and connection to your heritage. Were your family members born during a time of conflict? A time of peace? Did they travel to another place? Was there a failed business? A successful business? Did any of your family members possess a specific talent or skill?

Twists and Turns.

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. Many of which require hard work. Completing a high school education, college degree, or a trade certification. Or saving for a down payment on a home. What lessons can we learn from the path that leads to our “promised land?”

Maybe the next time you think something is taking “forever” – think again! Let us remember the story of Moses and the wandering Israelites. How steadfast a people continue to flourish despite all odds.

Track down your family tree.

Explore birthplaces.

Be thankful for family.

Take a Deep Breath.

Let’s breathe in wisdom and inspiration and exhale disbelief and pride.

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DO NOT REMOVE TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW – Families

Isn’t it interesting that pillows and mattresses come with a tag that states, “Do not remove under penalty of law?” What if each of us were tagged from birth with a “Do not remove under penalty of law?”

The metaphor of the pillow tag represents the bond between family members and the weightiness of breaking it.

Why would some parents remove the tag and others keep the tag on forever? Why would siblings rip the tag off from their brother or sister? Or mother or father? Or child?

Some families abide by the pillow law, while others break it. The difference between them is how they treat each other and how they affect one’s well-being. And this can be intentional or unintentional. And thus, the spider’s web gets more intertwined within itself.

Families who abide by the pillow law are those families who are trying with all their might to keep their family intact.

Healthy families:
Provide emotional support.
Come together in a crisis.
Help solve problems.
Speak to one another after a divorce.
Provide financial support when needed, if able.
Are there for you when you are down.
Intervene on your behalf.
Stick to you like glue.

Bravo to the pillow law families!

But not all families are like that. Some families break the pillow tag law.

Families that are incomplete.

Not whole. Not healthy. Or just not the family you thought you would have.

A family that is dysfunctional. Abusive. Toxic. Narcissistic. Inability to set boundaries. Abandoned. Alienated. Discarded. Like trash.

Divorce. Estrangement. Parent Alienation. Intergenerational Trauma.

A word of caution.

Each family dynamic is unique; not all relationships can or should progress. Distancing yourself from toxic or harmful family members can be helpful at times. It can lead to personal growth, healing, and developing healthier relationships. Prioritizing your well-being and safety is crucial. And seeking professional guidance, such as therapy or counseling, can be transformative. Use all the tools available to make informed decisions about family reconciliation.

It’s vital to understand that not all family relationships are salvageable. In some cases, reconciliation may have negative consequences. If the family members have not sought counseling or had profound introspective work done, mending the fences may not be possible. If the parties experienced abuse, addiction, substance abuse, or felt harmed, it may be futile to pursue reconciliation.

It takes two to tango.
You both have to be willing partners.

You can repair the pillow tag!

It won’t be perfect like before, but you can mend it. And it could be better than new!

What would reconnection look like in your family?

A divorced family on speaking terms?

A reunification from an estrangement?

Healing from parent alienation?

Family therapy to work out intergenerational trauma?

These are possible ways to mend a broken family and restore the pillow tag. And remember to seek reconciliation with boundaries and professional support.

Follow a new path back to an old family that has changed as much as you have.

Explore. Set an adventure. Change. Restore. Reconnect.

To peace.

To joy.

To love.

To wholeness.

To the tag, “Do not remove under penalty of law.”

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Hail No! – Lessons Learned from The Story of the Plagues

Lightening Flashed. Hail Fell.

When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the Lord sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed to the ground. So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt; hail fell, and lightning flashed back and forth. It was the worst storm in all the land of Egypt since it had become a nation.
Exodus 9:23,24

The Story of the Plagues comes from the Book of Exodus in the Old Testament. It begins 400 years prior when the Israelites had become enslaved in Egypt. They prayed. And prayed for a very long time.

Moses & Aaron.

God inflicted ten plagues to convince Pharoah to free the Israelites. God chose Moses for this task and for leading the Israelites to the Promised Land. But Moses thought he wasn’t a good choice. So, God selected his brother, Aaron, to help him.

Moses was a fascinating choice for several reasons. First, he floated down the Nile River as a baby and was retrieved and adopted by the Pharoah’s daughter. This meant that Moses grew up in royalty. When he later learned of his true biological heritage, he killed an Egyptian, fled Egypt, went to Midian, and became a shepherd. He was there for 40 years.

Equally compelling was God choosing Aaron. Even though Aaron was Moses’ brother, Aaron had grown up a Levite. Not an Egyptian. It was intriguing that God chose two brothers raised entirely differently. And they both heeded the call of God to protect and free the Israelites.

Tough Nut.

Interestingly, each of the ten plagues is related to an Egyptian god. Pharoah was tough to crack because the first six plagues didn’t scare him. (1) The Nile River turned into blood, (2) frogs covered the land, (3) dust became gnats, (4) swarms of flies, (5) disease inflicted on livestock, and (6) soot became boils on the skin of the Egyptians including their animals.

Image source: Public Domain
(need pix dot com)

Thunder. Hail.

Then, God sent a hailstorm.

Not just any hailstorm.

One that would kill anyone that was outside.

For each plague, Pharoah believed that the Egyptian gods would outsmart the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

But he was wrong.

Moses and Aaron, both appointed by God, were faithful in their servitude. Then came (8) the locusts the day after the east wind blew. Next, (9) total darkness fell upon the land for three days. The last plague was the death of the first-born son, which will lead us into the next blog post on The Passover.

Finally, the Pharoh liberated the Israelites so they could resume their quest to arrive at the Promised Land. The Story of the Plagues teaches us about God’s power and choice of helpers. Kindness, loyalty, and faithfulness are what God seeks.

Lessons Learned

As we move into Fall, let us learn lessons from The Story of the Plagues and how it applies to our lives.

#1. Actions have Consequences.
#2. Have Faith.
#3. Be Patient. (And Generous)

The plagues were a direct result of Pharaoh’s unwillingness to obey God. Likewise, our actions have consequences, and we must carefully weigh our choices. The Israelites had faith and worshiped God even when complaining they were slaves. Having faith means that things will work out how they need to, even when it seems they won’t.

God was patient with Pharoah even when he was stubborn. God gave him lots of chances to be obedient. If God can be patient, so can we. We must be generous with our time to allow others time to process for themselves.

Remember the Story of the Plagues of Egypt the next time you see and hear hail. They are a powerful reminder of God’s sovereignty and ability to use weather to accomplish His purposes.

Be faithful.
Answer God’s call to action.
Praise God for his patience.
Ask God for an abundance of patience.

Take a Deep Breath.

Breathe in patience and exhale stubbornness.

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I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet – Lessons Learned from The Story of Deborah

Earth Shook. Heavens Poured.

When you, Lord, went out from Seir, when you marched from the land of Edom, the earth shook, the heavens poured, the clouds poured down water. The mountains quaked before the Lord, the One of Sinai, before the Lord, the God of Israel.
Judges 5:4-5

Deborah, a prophetess, and a judge led Israel to victory over their enemies. She lived in a time when Israel felt oppressed by the Canaanites, who had 900 iron chariots and a cruel king named Jabin. The Israelites cried out to the Lord for help, and he answered them through Deborah.

10,000 Men.

Deborah summoned Barak, a military leader, and told him to gather 10,000 men from two tribes of Israel. Then, instructed them to go to Mount Tabor. There, the Lord would deliver Jabin’s army into their hands. Barak agreed, but only on one condition: Deborah had to go with him. Deborah accepted but warned him that the honor of defeating Jabin’s general, Sisera, would go to a woman.

Milk. Tent Peg.

The Lord panicked Sisera and his chariots, and they fled before Barak’s army. Sisera abandoned his chariot and ran on foot to the tent of Jael, a woman who was friendly with Jabin. Jael welcomed him into her tent, gave him milk, and covered him with a blanket. Sisera, exhausted from the heat and the fight, fell asleep. Then Jael took a tent peg and a hammer and drove the peg through his temple, killing him.

Deborah’s prophecy was fulfilled: a woman had killed Sisera. Deborah and Barak sang a song of praise to the Lord for giving them victory over their enemies. The land had peace for 40 years.

Lessons Learned

As the Dog Days of Summer officially end, let us learn lessons from Deborah’s story and how it applies to our lives.

1. Don’t Be Afraid to Take Action.
#2. Be the First to Do Something Different.
[But, please don’t drive a peg through someone’s head.]
#3. Practice Teamwork.

Female. Leader. Brave.

Deborah was a fearless leader, the only female judge in Israel. She proved that God could use anyone to carry out a mission. Her keen business skills demanded her to act collaboratively. Jael, a Kenite woman, and Barak, a military leader, have different skill sets. Deborah acted swiftly. She took the initiative. Fear did not stop her.

The next time we hear about an earthquake, remember the Story of Deborah.

Be faithful.
Trust in God.
Praise God for Blessings.

Take a Deep Breath.

Let’s breathe in strategy and action and exhale fear and delay.

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In the Heat of the Day – Lessons Learned from: The Story of Sarah

Drought. Dry. Hot.

The Story of Sarah begins in Canaan at the time of a famine. If a famine is a food shortage, we can infer that the deficit stemmed from a weather condition. Whether it be a drought, a surplus of rain, or a crop failure due to extreme weather. Since there are references in the story about heat, we will infer a drought.

A Great Nation.

God had promised Abraham a great nation. Yet, Abraham had no descendants. Sarah, his wife, was barren.

Hot Temper.

Not waiting in God’s time, Sarah took matters into her own hands and insisted her maidservant Hagar sleep with her husband, Abraham. Hagar conceived a son, Ismael. Sarah’s plan backfired, creating more problems for herself and her family. Instead of trusting God’s timing and wisdom, she acted out of a hot temper. She did not wait for God’s promise to be fulfilled in his way but tried to force it in her way. After Ismael was born, Sarah became more disillusioned and began to despise Hagar. Eventually, Abraham sent Hagar and Ismael away.

Dry. Desert. Miraculous Water.

Abraham gave Hagar some food and water and sent them on their way. They wandered in the desert of Beersheba until they ran out of water. Hagar left Ishmael under a bush and sat down nearby, expecting him to die. But God heard their cries! Hagar’s eyes opened to a well of water nearby. God saved them!

Heat. Laughter. A Baby!

The Lord appeared to Abraham in the heat of the day at the great trees of Mamre. God told Abraham that Sarah would conceive a son. Even though God had promised Abraham a great nation many years prior, Sarah was skeptical. And now, she was long past her child-bearing years. In fact, she laughed.

One year later.

Sure enough, Isaac was born at the exact time that God had said. Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”

Lessons Learned

As we endure the Dog Days of Summer, let us learn lessons from Sarah’s story and apply it to our own lives.

#1. Embrace Faith and Timing.
#2. Exercise Patience and Let Go.
#3. Find Laughter in Unlikely Moments.

Maybe the next time you doubt God. Think again! And let us laugh with God and with each other.

Be faithful. Be patient.

Take a Deep Breath.

Let’s breathe in patience and surrender and exhale impatience and control.

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I and Thou: The Freedom to Return Home

*Image Credit: Author Alfred Gatty (1809-1873), published by Bell and Daldy, London*
*(PD-US-expired)*

The Freedom to Return Home

A baby bird in a cage, like an infant in a crib.

Tweets, hops, and flutters, but cannot fly away.

Sits on a perch, swings, back and forth.

Days turn to weeks, weeks flow into months.

Months become years, contemplating direction.

Quick. Smart. Wise.

The cage door opens and opportunity knocks,

Whispering softly, “Come out, come out.”

Independence calls, leaping out in joy,

“Go, find your destiny, not by happenstance.”

Genetics. Nature. Nurture. Self.

There is a hesitation.

Contemplating what lies ahead.

The cage door opens and out flies an eagle.

Tall. Slender. Piercing eyes. Determined.

Solo flight amid internal turmoil.

Triumphantly soaring above the trees.

Heart. Stops. Instantly. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Circumstances warrant rebirth.

Chirping. Singing. Flapping. Swinging. Transforming. Courage.

Homecoming.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #9

Lesson #9: Embrace Who You Are

Princess Diana was a cross between Oprah Winfrey, JK Rowling, Audrey Hepburn, and Mother Theresa. Her charismatic yet shy and soft-spoken demeanor displayed an introverted personality that magically transformed when in the limelight. Her humble, compassionate, and deep caring for the disadvantaged undoubtedly earned her a sainthood-like status. Her global presence captured her individuality, leading her to become the People’s Princess.

Diana entered the royal family as a timid and sensitive young woman and left with a strong sense of selfhood. Along the way, she expressed her individuality by sharing topics of conversation that were once taboo and then became commonplace, such as mental health, HIV/Aids, and banning landmines. Her authenticity made her all the more loveable.

Reflecting on my youth, I remember struggling with living up to high religious expectations. I couldn’t reach the bar. It was too high. Instead, I marched to a different drum. The turning point for me was my first work performance review. I finally felt seen and heard. It was a great feeling! For the first time, I felt valued and appreciated for who I was and what I could do. It gave me the confidence to be myself and pursue my passions.

However, life was not easy. After getting married and starting a family, I faced challenges and disappointments. Slowly the unrealistic expectations of a “happily ever after” and not hitting the bar eroded my self-esteem. Like waves pounding rocks into pebbles and pebbles into the sand, I, like Diana, felt insecure as my self-confidence withered away.

I turned to God and surrendered. White flag and all. My life needed to be nurtured and nourished like a garden of herbs and spices to combat the erosion it was facing. After my failed marriage, I met my life partner, and we learned to tend the garden in tandem. Together is better when two people are in sync and not in a tug-of-war.

Like Princess Diana, I learned that embracing who you are is the key to happiness. It’s important to be true to yourself and not try to live up to unrealistic expectations. By being authentic and genuine, we can inspire others to so too. Diana’s legacy continues to inspire people around the world. We can leave our own legacy by being a blessing to others by being kind, compassionate, and empathetic. By sharing our experiences and being vulnerable, we can encourage and support others who may be going through similar struggles. Doing so can create a ripple effect of positivity that can change the world, one person at a time.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #8

Lesson #8: Be Kind

*Image Credit: David Gray / Reuters found in the Public Domain of Images*

Princess Diana was known for her kind heart and generous spirit. What small acts of kindness did Princess Diana perform? She may have been the first royal person to touch someone without gloves publicly and was the first to touch someone with HIV/AIDS. Her willingness to see eye-to-eye with her public was a gesture of warmth and kindness as the Princess frequently stooped down on her walkabouts, especially to her young fans.

To instill kindness in her sons, Princess Diana often took them to homeless shelters, hospitals, and orphanages to expose them to all sides of humanity. She did this to inspire them to help others as they matured into adulthood. Diana was indeed a “People’s Princess.”

Reflecting on kindness and my childhood, I saw random acts of kindness from my dad. Whenever he saw a friend or a neighbor walking, he would offer them a ride. My mom showed kindness when she picked up the phone from a friend in need. She would listen and provide encouragement. I often heard her do this as she would say, “A ha and hmm.”

In my first marriage, I tried to exhibit kindness, and I did so for many years. Until I broke. I could no longer be kind-hearted when I felt so downtrodden and disrespected. Children mimicking adult behavior. Poor choice of words. Poor choice of actions. I woke up and realized I had contributed to a situation where I no longer wanted to be a part. I had reached my limit of kindness. Kindness was no longer found in my home, and I could not be the glue anymore.

A kind person apologizes. A kind person tries to discover new ways to approach old wounds. A kind person is supportive. Encouraging. Loving. Life must be filled with kindness, or it no longer supplies the needed oxygen to survive.

Kindness was important for Princess Diana because it gave her a sense of purpose, happiness, and connection with others. It also makes a positive change in so many lives. In Parades, Princess Diana’s Legacy of Kindness, by Roisin Kelly, Ms. Kelly writes this about Princess Diana, “She believed that kindness was the best way to show love and compassion in a world that often suffers from the disease of feeling unloved.” And I believe it too! My life now is ruled by kindness. Kindness is the cornerstone of my marriage. My home. My relationships.

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*Written with the assistance of New Bing AI for research purposes