#reflections – Page 9 – I and Thou Reflections

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #7

Lesson #7: Stand Up for What You Believe In

Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in. She used her voice to challenge the royal system and did things differently. Boy, did Diana do things differently. From breaking from the 1662 tradition of wedding vows, sending her boys to preschool, and wearing black at non-funeral events, she was a rebel in her own right.

Her subtle insistence. Her impish grin. Her brilliant mind. Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in and used her voice to advocate change. Once she realized she had a platform with the public, she wittingly raised awareness of taboo subjects such as HIV/AIDS, mental health, and banning landmines.

Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in by being a hands-on parent to her children. She went to great lengths to provide her children with “normal” kid things such as a Disney vacation, a McDonald’s happy meal, and participating in school events, such as the annual parent’s race, where Diana came in first place in 1988.** She broke royal protocol by being herself – a down-to-earth, fun-loving, jest-for-life person.

Marriage. Parenting. Divorce. Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in and lived a life where she instilled values of honesty, compassion, and kindness. She believed in fairness by fighting for a fair divorce settlement, including shared custody of her children. Diana worked tirelessly to provide a smooth transition for her children to limit the emotional damage divorce does to children. Above all else, she loved her children. She believed in them.

In reflecting on my life, standing up for what I believe in seemed to be a challenge for me. Most likely, stemming from childhood trauma. From that time forward, I felt that I had no voice. It took decades to realize these traumas impacted my relationships far more significantly than I realized then. First marriage. Parenting. Divorce. In my first marriage, I was viewing life through a particular lens. A lens that was colored. Dark. Unfocused. Unable to see the murkiness. Until one day. One day, it all came into focus. It was the day my then-husband did the unspeakable. All in a flash, I saw the truth. And pain.

I was willing to do the hard work, like Princess Diana, of speaking my truth, which enabled me to leave a broken marriage, better myself as a mother, and remarry and become the wife I was meant to be. Standing up for myself has allowed me to be free. Free from harsh words. Free from unkindness. Free from disrespect.

Like Diana, I, too, was a supportive mom to my sons in their growing-up years. I have been and always will be their best cheerleader. Princess Diana inspired millions of people around the world. I have inspired a few here and there too. Diana gradually realized she had a platform to use her voice over time as she gained more confidence as a royal. She also was “just a mom.” She used her voice to speak out against injustice and advocate change. Change in what vows are read at weddings, how we can parent and fulfill career responsibilities at the same time, and why it is necessary to have good mental health.

I am trying to be more like Diana. I speak about estrangement. It is an injustice. I want to bring awareness of how estrangement rips families apart. The other day, a Rabbi called it “psychological murder.” Although it seems harsh, I couldn’t agree more. Knowing your child lives somewhere but not exactly sure where, not having a way to tell whether he reads texts or emails, is like a slow death. Over and over. Each time the phone rings. Each time email is checked. Each time mail is retrieved from the mailbox. Will I ever hear from my son? Parents must be held accountable for alienating themselves, their children, their parents, and extended family members from others including, the other “targeted” parent. The court system must be held accountable for perpetuating broken relationships. Let’s fix it. Together. Together is better.

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*https://www.thelist.com/288119/14-times-princess-diana-broke-strict-royal-rules/
**https://www.newsweek.com/fact-check-princess-diana-break-royal-protocol-school-moms-race-1738917
Written with the assistance of new Bing AI for research purposes.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #6

Lesson #6: Embrace Vulnerability

Image Source: hotcore dot info/babki/
lady-diana-cooper-quotes dot htm

Princess Diana used her public image and royal status to bring humility and honesty to the field of mental health. The life and legacy of Princess Diana embraced the vulnerability of others and, more poignantly herself. In her openness to her personal challenges, she may have unwittingly encouraged us all to confront our demons and seek professional help.

Princess Diana openly spoke about her battles with depression, self-doubt, and postpartum depression. By sharing her experiences, she humanized mental health issues and sparked conversations that were often considered taboo. This applied to her marriage woes as well. Diana had a knack for deeply relating to the public in many ways. After her troubled marriage became public knowledge, she openly discussed her challenges, allowing others struggling to feel seen and heard. She was a trailblazer.

As a teenager and young woman, I dreamed of creating a nurturing and safe space for my children. I imagined a warm and fuzzy place where heart-to-heart talks would be encouraged. I pictured two parents on the same page of the “Parenting Book.” But it didn’t end up that way as my children were growing up. The parents who I grew up with, that made me feel safe and loved and taught me how to be expressive by holding hands and kissing, were not the parents my children had. And yes, this still haunts me every now and again.

Reflecting on my journey of vulnerability as a parent, “I need to put on the oxygen mask first,” thinking comes to mind. I saw the benefit of counseling and sought it several times during and after my first marriage and a few times before my second marriage. I realized that two-way communication was the secret sauce in healthy relationships.

Good mental health requires people to be open and honest with themselves, their partners, and their children. Counseling requires hard introspective work, and many are just not ready to make that commitment. Often more time is needed to be ready for counseling. Or a fixed mindset prevents them from seeing the benefits of therapy or any help or assistance in general. It takes courage to acknowledge and express our true selves. Princess Diana showed the world that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but of strength that fosters connection, empathy, and understanding. All of which necessitate some form of communication.

A smile.
A warm touch.
A glance.
A laugh.
A text.
An email.
A phone call.

I acknowledge moments of self-doubt, uncertainty, and the poor navigating of the often-hard road that parenting requires. Yet, I did something right because my children turned out to be okay. Both graduated from top-notch universities. Both are independent. Both are genuinely kind people if you dig deep enough. I’m sure we could agree that healthy relationships are vital in today’s ever-changing world. Even tricky words, we occasionally need to hear, are worth the effort.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #5

Lesson #5: Be Compassionate

Princess Diana showed compassion in her daily living. She was compassionate toward herself, her family, and the global world. She empathized with those who struggled. Her warm nature bubbled out of her. Princess Diana had a particular type of charisma that was soft and infusive. It slowly dripped and left a trail where ever she went. From her impish grin to her sensitive, loving eyes, she brought authenticity to the monarchy like none other.

Photo Credit: Tim Graham/Getty Images in the Public Domain

One of Princess Diana’s most memorable moments of compassion was when she began her campaign for those suffering from AIDS. She publicly touched people with the disease early on, maybe even before anyone else. She shook hands and hugged the vulnerable. Now, we can look back and say that AIDS wasn’t contractable through touch. But then. No. The disease was new. There was misinformation everywhere. Very similar to when Covid hit in early 2020. There was speculation and a frenzy. Yet, Princess Diana believed that people who had AIDS were still people. Human. And they needed to be loved.

Princess Diana instilled her compassionate nature in her children. She took every opportunity to expose them to the real world. She did not want them to live sheltered lives. Princess Di wanted to teach her children about love. Compassion. Those less fortunate.

Reflecting on my more active mothering years, I, like Princess Diana, tried to instill compassion in my children. I once brought my son to an inner-city church to serve Thanksgiving Dinner to the homeless. I wanted my children to know that there were those less fortunate. I wanted them to appreciate what they had.

As a parent, I tried to infuse love and warmth into our home. It was challenging because I felt the friction of a partner who seemed to undermine every move I made. The more I wanted something, the more my partner fought against it. It was like an oil and vinegar thing. I know now that we were both working through childhood trauma. Whether he would admit that now is anyone’s guess.

Compassion and empathy are traits that can be taught by action. The world will improve if we commit ourselves to be less judgmental, more loving, and speaking kinder words. Princess Diana taught the world about compassion. A lesson undoubtedly worth learning.

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I and Thou: A Tribute to Mothers

A Vessel of Love

You are a mother, a giver of life,
and a vessel of love.

You are a mother, a source of strength,
and a spiritual rock.

You are a mother, a teacher,
and a light on a path.

You are a mother, a woman who inspires, uplifts,
and treasures relationships.

You are a mother, firmly rooted,
imparting wisdom to those who seek it.

You are a mother, an anchor, steadfast,
and unshakable.

You are a mother, who loves unconditionally,
no matter the circumstances.

You are a mother, a compassionate, kind,
and daughter of the Almighty.

You are a mother, a hopeful, inspirational,
and uplifting person.

You are a mother, a mother to many,
and a legacy to follow.

You are a mother, a precious creation,
to be celebrated today and every day.

*Image Credit: Mother & Son*
*Painting Valley dot com*

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #3

Lesson #3: Lead by Example

*Image Credit: Public Domain / Source Unknown*

Princess Diana believed that actions speak louder than words and led by example in her interactions with her children. She taught them kindness, compassion, and empathy through her own actions. How did the Princess do that? By bringing them along with her as she performed her royal duties. So, in 1993, Prince William, then 9 months, accompanied his parents on their trip to Australia and New Zealand. This action set a precedent; since then, Prince William and Prince Harry have had their own children on business trips. Quite a bit different from the mothering of Queen Elizabeth.

In the recent Forbes article, by Maura Thomas, What Does Work-Life Balance Even Mean? “To some, work-life balance means the convenience of managing a personal life during the workday without the hassle of getting permission or explaining our activities to others. Another common definition of work-life balance is equal time or priority to personal and professional activities.'” Whichever way you look at the work-life balance issue, Princess Diana was a true trailblazer in this regard. Years later, the monarchy was finally endorsing the concept of work-life balance.

Reflecting on my mothering skills and leading by example, I think of the early days of my professional career and as a young mother. I worked in academia, and my job required me to be there for extra hours to entertain recruiters searching for new hires. Early on, I brought my son to work occasionally. I also worked at home one or two days per week. My direct report understood the importance of work-life balance. And I was grateful for his flexibility at a time when remote working was rare. In life, we have to balance work and our family, especially in jobs where time is demanded.

My other lead-by-example was in spirituality, thanks to my dad. Growing up, my dad was a big proponent of “going to church.” Sundays were the week’s highlight for us as a family, although my dad would sing in the choir, and I would sit in church with my mother. I think for my dad, it was the fact that his family went to church together. We arrived together, and we left together. I also think he was trying to be obedient to God. Train your child up in the Lord.

I saw it much more as a spiritual thing for me and my kids. Not so much as an obedience to God thing. It was vital for me to expose my children to faith. A religion where God created the universe. God is love. And God can bring comfort to you when you need it. My lead by example was my unwavering faith. Faith in God. Faith in marriage. Faith in myself. Faith in my children.

I and Thou: Stained Glass

Glass is shattered,
To a thousand pieces.

Picking them up one by one,
Being careful not to get cut.

Crying over the loss,
Not knowing what to do.

An angel whispers,
Keep them in a cherished spot.

One day, you will know what to do,
Follow your heart when you are ready.

Taking a breath, slow and steady,
Sitting with a jar of broken glass.

Laying out work cloth,
Hands put into gloves.

Fitting the shapes side by side,
Creating a pattern – stained glass emerges.

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I and Thou: Ode to the Llama

Ode to the Llama

Listening quietly to the stillness of the night,
his slender, long legs nestle underneath his body.

Searching for the soft wool of his llama friend,
his long neck extends outward, nuzzling to find a place to lay his head.

Content and feeling safe in his herd,
sleeping soundly and waking refreshed.

The sunshine kisses him with a warm glow,
he is ready to start the day.

His charisma charms the ladies,
they find him loveable and easy to talk to.

Peace runs through his veins,
seeking harmony with all those around him.

Anxiety and stress cause him to hiss, spit, and kick,
as does intimidation and feeling threatened.

He settles down with a gentle word,
empathy oozes out of his heart.

Humans can be pretty similar to llamas,
yearning too for a kind and caring world.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 6

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2 Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Lesson #4: Sometimes, it is Important to Break Protocol
Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul

Lesson #6: Sometimes, it is Not the Words…
But the Way We Say Them that
Matters Most

The Eloquent Speaker

There is no doubt that Queen Elizabeth was an eloquent speaker. Sure, she had writers to write her speeches. Yet, her delivery was always on point. Her speeches started with a hook and were quite engaging. They were direct and pleasant to hear. She spoke with dignity and gentle softness, even when delivering bad news.

Practice Makes Perfect

Queen Elizabeth gave her first speech, the “Windsor Speech,” in 1940 when she was a princess. At Winston Churchill’s suggestion, the 14-year-old Elizabeth spent weeks practicing this radio address, whose purpose was to comfort young children sent away from their homes during World War II and, more subtly, to charm America into supporting the fight against the Nazis. According to news sources, the speech boosted the morale of the younger generation and won the support of their United States ally as well.

Hope for the World

In Queen Elizabeth’s first official speech on the evening of her Coronation in 1953, she offered hope. She did not speak of the monarchy’s power but instead of her confidence about the future. It uplifted the world, as many of her public addresses did, as they highlighted the themes of hope and her devotion to serving the people. She came across as a strong yet humble leader.

The Stiff Upper Lip

Queen Elizabeth’s relationship with Diana was mediocre at best. Queen Elizabeth was no model mother-in-law. She took the same approach to Princess Diana as to her own children. One of distance and limited involvement. When Diana asked for mental health treatment, she was denied. After all, what would the public think of a royal who couldn’t solve problems with a stiff upper lip?

The Cold Fish Starts to Thaw

When Princess Diana died in a tragic car accident, all hell broke out at Buckingham Palace. What exactly was the protocol for mourning and the funeral of an ex-wife of a Prince? There wasn’t one. Decisions about these things would have to be made post-haste. One thing was clear, the Queen had shifted into overdrive and did everything she could to help her grandsons process the tragedy in their own way and time.

Queen Elizabeth delayed speaking to the public about Princess Diana’s death. Perhaps she was taking time to process it all. At some point, she realized the necessity of delivering a formal announcement after the enormous outpouring of sympathy. Her tribute to Princess Diana displayed considerable warmth and kindness. It seemed more maternal than usual. Her tone was hopeful, trusting, and uplifting. Her delivery was heartfelt and compassionate. Even through the pain of grief, she felt for her grandsons losing their mother, she stood tall and strong.

Reflections

Contemplating the Queen’s speeches, I offer my thoughts. Queen Elizabeth represents a long line of royalty that dates back centuries. I admired her because she was anointed Queen and held the official title of “Defender of the Faith” by the Church of England. It was this mysterious religious anointing that captivated me.

Queen Elizabeth was clearly rough around the maternal edges. I don’t think “mothering” was instinctual for her, nor was it something she wanted to perfect. It almost seemed beneath her. Which left me perplexed. As there is no more noble duty than motherhood. Yet, by and large, she left the “mothering” to nannies and other royal assistants. However, once she had grandchildren, Queen Elizabeth seemed to reflect a sense of guilt or sadness about the “mothering” she had failed to offer her own children. Yet over time, Queen Elizabeth’s words and actions became more maternal as the number of her grandchildren grew. Softer. More refined and refreshingly warmer. The cold fish was finally beginning to thaw out.

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Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 5

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol

Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul

Divorce Times Two

Camilla and Andrew’s marriage ended in 1995. The Prince and Princess of Wales’s union officially ended in 1996. As in most families of divorce, it is most difficult on the children. Camilla’s children, a son and a daughter were a bit older at 17 and 20, and hopefully, they weathered it as best they could. Divorce is never easy on children, no matter what their age. Prince William was 14, and Prince Harry was 11. A very rough period for boys in an intact family, let alone a divorced one. Not to mention the under-the-microscope life they live for the world to see. When you think of it, Diana’s death one year later, in 1997, would be enough to throw anyone off the train tracks. That was an enormous amount of loss and stress.

Charles & Camilla…Finally!

These two divorces cleared the way for Prince Charles to finally be with Camilla, the woman he had loved all along. It was no surprise that Prince Charles would marry Camilla with or without the Queen’s blessing. They wed in 2005.

The Blended Family

By then, Prince William was 23, and Prince Harry was 21. It is easy to imagine the two young men emotionally carrying the burdens of being in a broken family.

The twenties are a time of “dynamic shifts for a young man,” per Susan Winter. She continues, “His whole world is opening up, and therefore, he’s unsettled.”
Men’s Ages: What to Expect Throughout His 20’s – Susan Winter.

Blended families require extra patience and understanding. And a bit of family therapy too! Does love win? Maybe, maybe not. In the case of Prince Charles, his love for Diana lessened as his love for Camilla grew as time marched on. We know that his love for Camilla endured the test of time.

Love

So, you see, my kind, gentle readers, love plays a significant role in our lives. It helps us to be better people. A lesson we can all learn from Queen Elizabeth is her acceptance of Prince Charles and Camilla. If Queen Elizabeth can go from calling Camilla the “wicked woman” to the “Queen Consort,” reconciliations are in the realm of possibilities for you too!

After decades of scandal, Queen Elizabeth seemed to apologize to Camilla by appointing her as the Royal Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Yes, it was quite a reversal – wouldn’t you say? Perhaps it was Queen Elizabeth’s way of saying that she was accepting Camilla for the woman she was and that she was a woman who loved her son. In the case of Charles and Camilla, love won. But sometimes, there is a high price to pay for it.

Love with all your heart.

Value your relationships…they are worth more than gold and can be sweeter than chocolate.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

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I and Thou: Enduring Love

Help me to understand what will open an adult child’s heart,
To a mother who loves from the bottom of hers.

Enduring Love

Inhale, exhale, breathe
Radiant, brilliant, love…
Angelic, darling, blessing
Heartwarming, tender, love…
Soft, innocent, canvas
Soaking, smothering, love…
Tantrums, reasoning, scolding
Defiance, anger, love…
One sided, myopic, headstrong
Dagger, piercing, love…
Words, spoken, unspoken
Heartbroken, apologetic, love…
Emotions, escalating, uncontrollable
Turmoil, conflict, love…
Exposure, external, culture
Influential, distant, love…
Literal, physical, separation
Wretched, incomplete, love…
Conjectures, puzzles, confusion
Murky, respectful, love…
Reflections, introspection, self-identity
Safety, security, love…
Vulnerable, open, inviting
Reparations, acceptance, love…
Changing, growing, maturing
Compassionate, enduring, love.

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