#reflections – Page 10 – I and Thou Reflections

I and Thou – A Random Scroll of Love

My career services vocation started at Stevens Institute of Technology before the existence of social media. So, it was easy to lose track of the thousands of students who came and went over my thirteen-year tenure there. Yet, I did keep track of a few by the old-fashioned postcard or holiday greeting card method. Fast forward fifteen years, when Facebook and LinkedIn became integral to my daily routine. I could reconnect with hundreds of past and present students through these two social platforms. And what a delight it has been to see these awestruck young college graduates go off and live such extraordinary lives. I seldom comment although I give out thumbs-ups often. For me, it is a sign you matter. YOU do matter. And you matter to more people than you would imagine. It also, for me, doesn’t have anything to do with job title or success. It is all about love.

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found a delightful young couple posting a few of their recent wedding pictures. I met these fine people as college students in Arkansas. A little further down on the page, I saw a post from a student I met thirty years ago who was running the Philadelphia Marathon. Seeing the facial expressions on the couple and the runner was all about love. Love for each other. Love for passions. Love for life.

So, what seems to be a random scroll for some, for me, is someone’s life window and the privilege of peeking through.

Artist Credit: Fragments of My Childhood by Maria Varga-Hansen

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 4

To recap:

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality

This brings us to the next lesson.

Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol

Divorce

Two children and eleven years later, the famous royal couple, Charles and Diana, separated in 1992 and officially divorced in 1996. After the divorce, their relationship seemed to be less ruffled. After all, they had 50/50 custody of their children, and for the sake of the children, they each tried to do better. By this time, Diana had more or less accepted the inevitable: the relationship between Camilla and Charles was there to stay.

Death and Conundrums

One year later, Princess Diana left this earth in a tragic auto accident outside Paris. This was where it got wonky. Was there a protocol for this situation? Would she be treated as a royal member of the family? Or not? Queen Elizabeth was silent. The “institution” was quiet. There was no official announcement for five days. The public was outraged. How could this be?

Let’s set the stage.

Princess Diana, no longer a wife to Charles, was in France.
Queen Elizabeth, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, and the boys, William and Harry, were vacationing at Balmoral Castle in Scotland.
The “institution” was in England.

So, to start with, the deadly news was shocking. Shocking to the royal family. Shocking to the rest of the world. Because the public admired Diana’s resilience, honesty, and relatability, many loved her, and the tragic impact was felt around the globe.

Royals are Human Too

The royal family did what most families would do under these circumstances. They came together in solidarity to make the necessary arrangements, which were a bit fuzzy. First, there was the logistical nightmare of where all the key players were at the time of the accident, as cited above. Second, Princess Diana was no longer a member of the royal family. Or was she? She was undoubtedly the mother of the future King of England and Prince Harry. Thirdly, there were high expectations of a royal funeral. After all, she was still the People’s Princess.

Diana’s Funeral & Broken Protocol

As the world began to mourn Diana’s death, it became apparent that a private funeral would not suffice.

A spokeswoman for the palace told reporters, “This is a unique funeral for a unique person.”
The Untold Truth Of Princess Diana’s Funeral (grunge.com)

Queen Elizabeth supported a private ceremony, while Prince Charles and Diana’s brother encouraged having a more significant event. We will never know why the Queen thought what she did. But by allowing the elaborate funeral procession, the Queen clearly said something without saying a word. (She broke protocol.) Queen Elizabeth also ordered the Union Flag to be flown at half-staff, another break from protocol. It was her way of, an apology of sorts. Perhaps from a mother-in-law who may not have responded as lovingly and kindly as she should have or may have even wanted to. Her bowing at the casket was a sincere tribute to Diana’s legacy.

Granny Elizabeth

After Diana’s death, Queen Elizabeth seamlessly stepped more concretely into her grandmother’s role. A role she grew fond of as the years went on. She was the boys’ rock and was instrumental in their grief journey.

Diana’s Legacy

Princess Diana, beautiful and graceful as she was, was human too. With her battle with bulimia, self-injury, and feelings of worthlessness, she brought a “freshness” to the monarchy as she became known as the “relatable” princess. With courage and bravery, she prioritized her mental health and sought help. Her actions brought significant awareness to mental health.

But what is often forgotten is that Diana was also a paradox: under the magnificently poised image she presented to the world, she struggled with bulimia, self-injury, and lingering feelings of worthlessness.
Princess Diana’s Legacy on Mental Health, Eating Disorders | Time

She did indeed relate to the public. She brought attention to so many issues. Her quiet yet charismatic personality charmed the world. Princess Diana’s life and death were tragic. The media responded with relentlessness, and the world responded with love.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 3

In Lesson #1, Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well. Queen Elizabeth chose duty over love twice. Once, her sister wanted to marry a divorced Mr. Townsend. Then she dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla because she felt that Camilla was not “good enough” to be in the royal family.

Queen Elizabeth used her power and influence to derail the budding romance between Princess Charles and Camilla. In Lesson #2, we learned Mothers Don’t Always Know Best. We answered three questions. What does it mean to be “good enough?” What does it mean to be a positive role model? And what does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?”

Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality

Prince Charles and Diana

Prince Charles first met Diana when he was dating her sister, Sarah, in 1977. He delighted in Diana and her exuberance despite her being young and naive. In 1980, Prince Charles, 32, began dating Diana and six months later, in February of 1981, became engaged to Lady Diana Spencer, 19, the daughter of 8th Earl Spencer. So, right from the get-go, Diana had a title. As if to say to the world having a title makes you worthy. If you want to read more about worthiness, see “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2.”

An Illusion is What We See

The fairytale romance was not all that it seemed to be. Two weeks before their wedding, Diana found out that a personalized bracelet with Charles and Camilla’s nicknames had been given to Camilla from Charles a few days before the wedding. It did not sit well with Diana. Young and inexperienced, she wanted to call the wedding off. Yet, her sisters reminded her that her face was already on the tea towels. In other words, it was too late for Diana to back out.

The pictures taken on her wedding day revealed a solemn young woman, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and uncertain of what would be next for her and her Prince. The secret gift-giving gesture to another woman days before his wedding was downright cruel of Prince Charles. For Diana, doubt was cast. Even so, they ended up having the wedding of the century.

A Delusion is What We Think

Diana thought the “other woman” (Camilla) was the only woman who received a gift before the royal wedding.

Artist Credit: Delusion Painting by Soledad Lawrence at Saatchiart dot dom

Marrying a prince and adjusting to a royal life would be overwhelming for anyone. It would not be easy to navigate, no matter how “royal” you might be. Throw in another romantic partner to the mix, and the situation becomes electrically charged with deep-seated feelings and emotions. It would be easy to imagine how alone Diana felt with no one to talk to and not knowing who she could trust. Especially hearing and seeing Prince Charles through the lens of “that bracelet.” It was reported that Charles presented several women he had dated with gifts before his wedding as a “thank you/wish you well” sentiment. That very vital piece of information did not make its way to Diana.

“Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” – 1995
The Sydney Morning Herald

Attempting to master the pressures from the Queen, the “institution,” and the Public was what Princess Diana had to do. Eventually, not only did she acclimate, Diana became an icon for the royal family. Why? Because Diana was the People’s Princess. She had this innate ability to see people’s faces. All people. All emotions. She touched the sick. She hugged the children.

Reality Is What It Is

Prince Charles told Diana that he did not love her the night before the wedding because he “didn’t want to go into the marriage on a false premise.”
Prince Charles Confession Night Before Wedding was ‘Devastating’ for Princess Diana, by Jack Royston, Newsweek, 11/10/20

Princess Diana still managed to convey a caring personality through the pain of feeling unloved by her husband. Genuine. Loving. Kind. Insomuch that it likely threatened the monarchy. Most certainly, it threatened Prince Charles or, at the very least, caused him great pain and humiliation as crowds of millions wanted to see her. Touch her. Present flowers to her. All the while as Charles walked separately and looked disgusted and defeated.

Charles placed “duty” over “love” by marrying the “right” type of person. Diana was. Camilla was not. The stark reality was that Diana loved Charles, Camilla loved Charles, and Charles loved Camilla. Charles did not love Diana. For most new brides, the illusion, delusion, and reality of another woman in their husband’s life would devastate their marriage, self-esteem, and overall mental health.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2

In a nutshell, the takeaway message from my previous post, “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth, Part 1,” was this: duty and love rarely mix well. We looked at duty and love specifically through the eyes of the Church – between the Queen and her sister Margaret and her son Prince Charles. In both instances, all parties chose duty over love. In accordance with prevailing church doctrine, Queen Elizabeth denied her sister’s request to marry the divorced Mr. Townsend. And decades later, Queen Elizabeth dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla.

In Part 2, we will see how love and this sense of duty became increasingly muddled as time passed. We go back to the early 1970s, when Queen Elizabeth’s son, Prince Charles, fell in love with Camilla. Although Charles was smitten with Camilla, his family disapproved. And the Queen made it quite clear that Camilla didn’t fit the mold for Prince Charles.

Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
[Even if she IS the Queen]

Love and Worthiness

Most of us are familiar with the love affair of Camilla and Prince Charles. Meeting in 1971, it was widely reported that they had fallen head over heels for each. However, from the very start, this relationship would prove to be problematic. According to a book by Penny Junor, The Duchess: Camilla Parker Bowles and the Love Affair That Rocked the Crown, Camilla was not “perceived as aristocratic enough to be a princess.” Perhaps Queen Elizabeth didn’t think so either.

So, why was it so crucial for Queen Elizabeth to have a more “suitable” daughter-in-law? No one will know for sure, yet one can surmise it was due to the public’s perception that Camilla wasn’t “good enough.” In other words, this potential spouse of the prince would not be a positive role model. Would the future princess have what it took to be a royal? The Queen and many others no doubt didn’t think so.

Credit: Abstract Art by Maren Devine on Etsy.com

Questions to Ask

What does it mean to be “good enough?”

What does it mean to be a positive role model?

What does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?

In Proverbs 31, characteristics of a godly woman include lacking nothing of value, opening her arms to the poor, exhibiting dignity and strength, and speaking with wisdom. No one would argue that it would take a unique, powerful woman to hold such a public office. The potential princess must have a sound mind and a sense of duty to the monarchy and her husband.

Back to Queen Elizabeth. No one would argue that the Queen put duty first. Clearly, she did not see Camilla as a suitable wife for Charles. And consequently, she did what she could to derail the Camilla and Charles romance. Had the Queen minded her own business, Camilla could have very well been Prince Charles’ first and only wife. For him, it was a matter of love. For his mother, it was a matter of duty to the monarchy, the Church of England, and its traditions.

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I and Thou – Spirit of the Snow

Spirit of the Snow

Spirit of the snow,
Immorality oozing out our pores.

Ice crystals suspending in the atmosphere,
Clouds bursting with moisture.

Precipitation forming in favorable conditions,
White cotton balls accumulating on surfaces.

Snow falling from the twilight sky,
Dusting the ground all around.

Spirit of the snow,
Cleansing our souls to renew.

Image Credit: https://www.peakpx.com/en/hd-wallpaper-desktop-fjkzf

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I and Thou: Guitars, Sand, Surf & Kids

Guitars, Sand, Surf

Nursery school, pre-school, kindergarten,
Playing dress-up, building blocks, and learning to read.
Kids Kamp, pre-cherub, t-ball,
Singing, crafting, and swinging a bat.
…Mothers loving arms cradle.

First grade, second grade, third grade,
Reading, writing, and more writing.
Cub scouts, choir, Tai Kwon Do,
Pinewood derbies, musicals, and orange belts.
…Mothers loving arms cuddle.

Fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade,
Science conventions, school plays, and cell phones.
Bike parades, circus tents, fireworks,
Summers swimming in lakes and pools.
…Mothers loving arms snuggle.

Seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade,
Smart mouths spewing bratty words.
Clarinets, guitars, trombones,
Sitting on stage and playing so proudly.
…Mothers loving arms grow weary.

Tenth grade, eleventh grade, twelfth grade,
Internalizing questions not ready to ask.
Tennis lessons, football, and lacrosse,
Scoring a touchdown, goal, or 15-love.
…Mothers loving arms start separating.

Red robe, mortar, tassel,
Processing to pomp and circumstance.
Protecting, guiding, parental role,
Unfair situation hoisted upon.
…Mothers loving arms feel empty.

Glimpses, shadows, silence,
Gradually disappearing from plain view.
Suitcase, car, gasoline,
Interstate highways across the country.
…Mothers loving arms love from afar.

Apartment, condo, house,
No known address to be found.
Sand, pebbles, white beaches,
Relocation destination miles and miles due west.
…Mothers loving arms feel forgotten.

Surfing, kayaking, lifeguarding,
Commanding waters to abide.
Instructing, directing, tutoring,
Strategically working to earn a degree.
…Mothers loving arms feel so helpless.

Black robe, mortar, royal blue sash,
Graduating livestream with purple Lai.
Congratulating, celebrating, handshaking,
Proud parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
…Mothers loving arms clap so loudly.

Holidays, birthdays, special events,
A seat empty and waiting to be filled.
Cheering, shouting, echoing,
Come back, come back. We miss you so.
…Mothers loving arms open wide.

Doors open, gifts waiting, keeping watch,
All hands-on deck for arrival.
Excitedly, gathering, anticipating,
Patiently waiting for return.
…Mothers loving arms extend further.

Harry Potter, Pokemon, laser tag,
Birthdays celebrated in movie theaters and fun places.
Red belt, brown belt, black belt,
Memories of yesteryear.
…Mothers loving arms holding a camera to commemorate occasions.

Living, accepting, healing,
Life is rapidly speeding by.
Glorious, celebration, awaits,
Slaughter the chocolate-covered insects.
…Mothers loving arms embrace once again.

Artist Credit: Lonely Guy on Sea Coast by Mykola Nisolovskyi (royalty-free)

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I and Thou: Lavender & Time

Hustling, bustling, weary with achy soles,
Massage and soothe our inner souls.

Sprinkle us with lavender and thyme,
As we enter into this sacred time.

Instead of focusing on wrapping presents,
Prepare us to enter a holy presence.

Frail, empty, lost, and weak,
Guide us through another week.

Fill the hallowed, dark hole,
Repair the damage to make us whole.

Restore our hearts piece by piece,
And grant us never-ending peace.

Image Credit: Lankford Associates Landscape Architects

I and Thou – Random Words for December

Chanukah Candles
Christmas Carols
Generous Gifts
Glimmery Glitz
Goodwill Greetings
Layering Lights
Philanthropic Presents
Red Ribbons
Star Snowflakes
Tinseled Trees

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Image Credit: https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/christmas-background-with-snowflakes-string-lights_996886.htm

I and Thou – The Quick Brown Fox

Forgive me if I use the wrong terminology. Technology and I have had a strange relationship starting with the IBM Selectric typewriter. There I was in Typing 101 at Clifton High School. A colossal poster board in the front of the room had the keyboard displayed. There were no letters on the typing keys. They were blank. I sat down at the table with the typewriter in front of me. To my left was an easel to stand the book I would be typing from – eventually. But first came the typing exercises to learn and memorize the keys and my finger placement. It was a true test of manual dexterity and hand and eye coordination – thankfully, I excelled at both.

First, I learned where to put my fingers.

Then, I learned what keys were where.

Finally, I could type:

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

At my prime, I was able to type 70-80 WPM. The goal, of course, was to type as fast as possible without any mistakes. Over the years, I have come to appreciate my ability to type. My favorite is still the look on people’s faces when I am typing and looking directly at the person I’m conversing with. Often, the person asks, “How do you do that?” To me, it is second nature.

Remember the first and only rule of typing.
Never look at the keyboard.
Typing Class

I won’t bore you with the details of the technology migrations I have managed throughout my career. Although, for posterity’s sake, I’ll list them in the order I remember. Typewriter – DEC 350 with Word 11 – Apple with FileMaker Pro – IBM with Microsoft Word – Dell – Asus. To date myself, my master’s thesis was typed on a DEC 350 with Word 11. How grateful I was to be able to cut and paste and use the backspace (delete) instead of having to insert the white-out strips when I had a typo. By the way, my thesis was on IRCA (Immigration, Reform, & Control Act).

I’m not an expert by any means. I’m a novice at the flash drive and forget about trying to copy files. I acknowledge my strengths in typing and my weaknesses in needing to learn about internal and external hard drives. Much like the car – I’m an excellent driver but not so much a mechanic. Although, when I flip up my hood to add oil to my car in 3 minutes flat, dressed in a suit, I receive raised eyebrows – if to say, “Well done.”

Tangent here: How often have you heard the words, “Well done?” Think about it. It makes me think of the parable of the good and faithful servant. Although scripture meant this to be a lesson in the sense of duty, it is a lesson in affirmation, for me.

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’…
Matthew 25:21

Typing itself is affirming to me. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But the more I write and type, the quicker I get. Sometimes, I even feel an inner Spirit guiding my thoughts and fingers. Words flow out of me, and for that, I am grateful. What a gift to be able to type letters that become words that can speak to a person I may never meet. To me, that is affirmation. The one “like” to a post. It is affirmation. One encouraging word from a friend. Is affirmation.

The typing class was one of my most practical classes in high school. It baffles me when I see today’s students hunting and pecking on a keyboard.

Don’t they teach typing anymore?

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I and Thou: The Labor of a Diamond – Part 2

Photo Credit: found on https://www.thermofisher.com/blog/mining/the-diamond-shortage-the-hunt-for-kimberlite-and-new-high-quality-synthetics/

The Anatomy of a Diamond

In The Labor of a Diamond Part 1, you learned how and why diamonds are precious and rare. You also learned how complicated they are – from the scientific perspective of temperature, pressure, carbon, and crystals. Then, we went down the rabbit hole of an “old boys network.” Today, we start with its anatomy.

Have you ever wondered why a diamond looks the way it does? Do you even know the language used to describe diamonds? In the next few posts, a deeper dive into the mystery of diamonds will be explored, including the five c’s of carat, cut, color, clarity, and confidence. First, we start with the anatomy of a diamond, which has five parts. One facet will then be compared or contrasted to an aspect of a relationship between two people. Ready?

Picture an upside-down triangle where the point is at the bottom. Then, picture a trapezoid. Place the trapezoid on top of the upside-down triangle. Now, let’s place three points on the top of the trapezoid and three on the bottom, each equidistant to the other, with the last point at the bottom point of the triangle. You should have seven points on this image which is how we can imagine each section. Are you with me so far?

Table, Crown, and Girdle

The top three points of the flat line at the top of the diamond are called the Table. The Crown is the distance between the middle point of the top and bottom lines of the trapezoid. It is the top portion of a diamond, from the Girdle to the Table, where the Girdle is the bottom line of the trapezoid at its widest length. It is also known as the setting edge, where the diamond is held in the jewelry setting. I call it the base where the diamond sits in its setting.

Pavilion and Culet

The bottom point of the upside-down triangle, vertically up to the middle point of the bottom line of the trapezoid, is called the Pavilion. It is the lower part of the diamond. The Culet is the bottom point of the upside-down triangle, the bottom of the diamond. The middle point from the trapezoid’s top to the bottom point of the upside-down triangle is called the Depth. It is the height of the diamond from the Culet to the Table. So, are you with me so far? To identify the parts of a diamond, you will need to differentiate between Table, Pavilion, Culet, Crown, and Girdle.

Is what you pictured in your mind bear any resemblance to this?

Graphic Credit: https://mintdiamonds.com/pages/step-5-2-anatomy-of-a-diamond

Thoughts and Feelings

Is the anatomy of a diamond relevant? I’d say yes! What girl wouldn’t want to know more about diamonds? It is a girl’s best friend, right? Knowing anatomy provides a framework to discuss systems and processes like a diamond in a box with clear parameters and precise dimensions. A relationship, however, is different – certainly not something that can be put in a box! Sure, a basic understanding of systems and processes still applies here. However, there are more intrinsic elements to consider, such as thoughts and feelings, which will be a scrambled mess at some point in a relationship.

A Scrambled Mess

How can you prevent a scrambled mess? By listening to the unspoken word. People may respond to situations based on their childhood experiences, including wounds and traumas they may not even know they have. If your partner overreacts, dig deep and ask them about it. What is the unspoken word here? Ask them about their past thoughts and feelings.

I remember my first boyfriend. Captain of the track team. Rival school. Water-skier. Boater. Fun kind of guy. Plus, he had a driver’s license. He bought me a tiger’s eye necklace. I loved it! But then he broke up with me. From that moment on, I associated pain with Tiger’s Eye. See? A scrambled mess!

So, the next time you ask your partner if they would like a Tiger’s Eye, don’t be surprised if they want a Diamond instead!

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