Isn’t it interesting that pillows and mattresses come with a tag that states, “Do not remove under penalty of law?” What if each of us were tagged from birth with a “Do not remove under penalty of law?”
The metaphor of the pillow tag represents the bond between family members and the weightiness of breaking it.
Why would some parents remove the tag and others keep the tag on forever? Why would siblings rip the tag off from their brother or sister? Or mother or father? Or child?
Some families abide by the pillow law, while others break it. The difference between them is how they treat each other and how they affect one’s well-being. And this can be intentional or unintentional. And thus, the spider’s web gets more intertwined within itself.
Families who abide by the pillow law are those families who are trying with all their might to keep their family intact.
Healthy families:
Provide emotional support.
Come together in a crisis.
Help solve problems.
Speak to one another after a divorce.
Provide financial support when needed, if able.
Are there for you when you are down.
Intervene on your behalf.
Stick to you like glue.
Bravo to the pillow law families!
But not all families are like that. Some families break the pillow tag law.
Families that are incomplete.
Not whole. Not healthy. Or just not the family you thought you would have.
A family that is dysfunctional. Abusive. Toxic. Narcissistic. Inability to set boundaries. Abandoned. Alienated. Discarded. Like trash.
Divorce. Estrangement. Parent Alienation. Intergenerational Trauma.
A word of caution.
Each family dynamic is unique; not all relationships can or should progress. Distancing yourself from toxic or harmful family members can be helpful at times. It can lead to personal growth, healing, and developing healthier relationships. Prioritizing your well-being and safety is crucial. And seeking professional guidance, such as therapy or counseling, can be transformative. Use all the tools available to make informed decisions about family reconciliation.
It’s vital to understand that not all family relationships are salvageable. In some cases, reconciliation may have negative consequences. If the family members have not sought counseling or had profound introspective work done, mending the fences may not be possible. If the parties experienced abuse, addiction, substance abuse, or felt harmed, it may be futile to pursue reconciliation.
It takes two to tango.
You both have to be willing partners.
You can repair the pillow tag!
It won’t be perfect like before, but you can mend it. And it could be better than new!
What would reconnection look like in your family?
A divorced family on speaking terms?
A reunification from an estrangement?
Healing from parent alienation?
Family therapy to work out intergenerational trauma?
These are possible ways to mend a broken family and restore the pillow tag. And remember to seek reconciliation with boundaries and professional support.
Follow a new path back to an old family that has changed as much as you have.
Explore. Set an adventure. Change. Restore. Reconnect.
To peace.
To joy.
To love.
To wholeness.
To the tag, “Do not remove under penalty of law.”
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I and Thou Reflections 