My career services vocation started at Stevens Institute of Technology before the existence of social media. So, it was easy to lose track of the thousands of students who came and went over my thirteen-year tenure there. Yet, I did keep track of a few by the old-fashioned postcard or holiday greeting card method. Fast forward fifteen years, when Facebook and LinkedIn became integral to my daily routine. I could reconnect with hundreds of past and present students through these two social platforms. And what a delight it has been to see these awestruck young college graduates go off and live such extraordinary lives. I seldom comment although I give out thumbs-ups often. For me, it is a sign you matter. YOU do matter. And you matter to more people than you would imagine. It also, for me, doesn’t have anything to do with job title or success. It is all about love.
Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found a delightful young couple posting a few of their recent wedding pictures. I met these fine people as college students in Arkansas. A little further down on the page, I saw a post from a student I met thirty years ago who was running the Philadelphia Marathon. Seeing the facial expressions on the couple and the runner was all about love. Love for each other. Love for passions. Love for life.
So, what seems to be a random scroll for some, for me, is someone’s life window and the privilege of peeking through.
Artist Credit: Fragments of My Childhood by Maria Varga-Hansen
In Lesson #1, Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well. Queen Elizabeth chose duty over love twice. Once, her sister wanted to marry a divorced Mr. Townsend. Then she dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla because she felt that Camilla was not “good enough” to be in the royal family.
Queen Elizabeth used her power and influence to derail the budding romance between Princess Charles and Camilla. In Lesson #2, we learned Mothers Don’t Always Know Best. We answered three questions. What does it mean to be “good enough?” What does it mean to be a positive role model? And what does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?”
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Prince Charles and Diana
Prince Charles first met Diana when he was dating her sister, Sarah, in 1977. He delighted in Diana and her exuberance despite her being young and naive. In 1980, Prince Charles, 32, began dating Diana and six months later, in February of 1981, became engaged to Lady Diana Spencer, 19, the daughter of 8th Earl Spencer. So, right from the get-go, Diana had a title. As if to say to the world having a title makes you worthy. If you want to read more about worthiness, see “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2.”
An Illusion is What We See
The fairytale romance was not all that it seemed to be. Two weeks before their wedding, Diana found out that a personalized bracelet with Charles and Camilla’s nicknames had been given to Camilla from Charles a few days before the wedding. It did not sit well with Diana. Young and inexperienced, she wanted to call the wedding off. Yet, her sisters reminded her that her face was already on the tea towels. In other words, it was too late for Diana to back out.
The pictures taken on her wedding day revealed a solemn young woman, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and uncertain of what would be next for her and her Prince. The secret gift-giving gesture to another woman days before his wedding was downright cruel of Prince Charles. For Diana, doubt was cast. Even so, they ended up having the wedding of the century.
A Delusion is What We Think
Diana thought the “other woman” (Camilla) was the only woman who received a gift before the royal wedding.
Artist Credit: Delusion Painting by Soledad Lawrence at Saatchiart dot dom
Marrying a prince and adjusting to a royal life would be overwhelming for anyone. It would not be easy to navigate, no matter how “royal” you might be. Throw in another romantic partner to the mix, and the situation becomes electrically charged with deep-seated feelings and emotions. It would be easy to imagine how alone Diana felt with no one to talk to and not knowing who she could trust. Especially hearing and seeing Prince Charles through the lens of “that bracelet.” It was reported that Charles presented several women he had dated with gifts before his wedding as a “thank you/wish you well” sentiment. That very vital piece of information did not make its way to Diana.
“Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” – 1995
The Sydney Morning Herald
Attempting to master the pressures from the Queen, the “institution,” and the Public was what Princess Diana had to do. Eventually, not only did she acclimate, Diana became an icon for the royal family. Why? Because Diana was the People’s Princess. She had this innate ability to see people’s faces. All people. All emotions. She touched the sick. She hugged the children.
Reality Is What It Is
Prince Charles told Diana that he did not love her the night before the wedding because he “didn’t want to go into the marriage on a false premise.”
Prince Charles Confession Night Before Wedding was ‘Devastating’ for Princess Diana, by Jack Royston, Newsweek, 11/10/20
Princess Diana still managed to convey a caring personality through the pain of feeling unloved by her husband. Genuine. Loving. Kind. Insomuch that it likely threatened the monarchy. Most certainly, it threatened Prince Charles or, at the very least, caused him great pain and humiliation as crowds of millions wanted to see her. Touch her. Present flowers to her. All the while as Charles walked separately and looked disgusted and defeated.
Charles placed “duty” over “love” by marrying the “right” type of person. Diana was. Camilla was not. The stark reality was that Diana loved Charles, Camilla loved Charles, and Charles loved Camilla. Charles did not love Diana. For most new brides, the illusion, delusion, and reality of another woman in their husband’s life would devastate their marriage, self-esteem, and overall mental health.
In a nutshell, the takeaway message from my previous post, “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth, Part 1,” was this: duty and love rarely mix well. We looked at duty and love specifically through the eyes of the Church – between the Queen and her sister Margaret and her son Prince Charles. In both instances, all parties chose duty over love. In accordance with prevailing church doctrine, Queen Elizabeth denied her sister’s request to marry the divorced Mr. Townsend. And decades later, Queen Elizabeth dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla.
In Part 2, we will see how love and this sense of duty became increasingly muddled as time passed. We go back to the early 1970s, when Queen Elizabeth’s son, Prince Charles, fell in love with Camilla. Although Charles was smitten with Camilla, his family disapproved. And the Queen made it quite clear that Camilla didn’t fit the mold for Prince Charles.
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best [Even if she IS the Queen]
Love and Worthiness
Most of us are familiar with the love affair of Camilla and Prince Charles. Meeting in 1971, it was widely reported that they had fallen head over heels for each. However, from the very start, this relationship would prove to be problematic. According to a book by Penny Junor, The Duchess: Camilla Parker Bowles and the Love Affair That Rocked the Crown, Camilla was not “perceived as aristocratic enough to be a princess.” Perhaps Queen Elizabeth didn’t think so either.
So, why was it so crucial for Queen Elizabeth to have a more “suitable” daughter-in-law? No one will know for sure, yet one can surmise it was due to the public’s perception that Camilla wasn’t “good enough.” In other words, this potential spouse of the prince would not be a positive role model. Would the future princess have what it took to be a royal? The Queen and many others no doubt didn’t think so.
Credit: Abstract Art by Maren Devine on Etsy.com
Questions to Ask
What does it mean to be “good enough?”
What does it mean to be a positive role model?
What does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?
In Proverbs 31, characteristics of a godly woman include lacking nothing of value, opening her arms to the poor, exhibiting dignity and strength, and speaking with wisdom. No one would argue that it would take a unique, powerful woman to hold such a public office. The potential princess must have a sound mind and a sense of duty to the monarchy and her husband.
Back to Queen Elizabeth. No one would argue that the Queen put duty first. Clearly, she did not see Camilla as a suitable wife for Charles. And consequently, she did what she could to derail the Camilla and Charles romance. Had the Queen minded her own business, Camilla could have very well been Prince Charles’ first and only wife. For him, it was a matter of love. For his mother, it was a matter of duty to the monarchy, the Church of England, and its traditions.
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Image Credit: “Symbolic Transom” Religious Stained Glass Window (stainedglassinc.com)
Introduction
In the next few weeks, I will share my insight into relationships in the Royal Family. There is much to learn, I promise. We will look at key players and how they finally found love. We will begin with duty and love. And how at the end of the day, the Royal Family puts on pajamas like the rest of us.
Lesson #1: Duty and Love rarely mix well.
Duty and Love
I have been following the Royal Family in bits and pieces. I am no expert by any means. What seems so obvious to me was how Queen Elizabeth was torn between duty and love for her family. I felt it first in her affection for her sister, Margaret. She loved her so. I can only imagine how painful it was for Queen Elizabeth to deny Margaret from marrying her soulmate, Peter Townsend, who happened to be a divorcee. The Church had a lot to say about divorce in 1955.
Then, in the 1970s, I saw the Queen’s influence on Prince Charles and his secret love for Camilla, who, in the Queen’s eyes, was not worthy enough for him. Camilla was a “party” girl, and the Queen thought she would not be a suitable princess. This signaled a sense of duty weighing much more heavily than love. This baffled me as the greatest commandment is to love one another. Nowhere in The Bible does it say to love only rich people. Or love only those in one’s same socioeconomic class. Then, again, his divorce, public love, and marriage to Camilla in 2005 seemed to snub The Church and its anti-divorce platform.
Town & Country Magazine wrote, “A change in the Church of England’s rules about remarriage after divorce, which took effect in 2002, made it possible for Charles to marry Camilla. In an attempt to avoid controversy given their relationship history, the couple opted not to have a grand royal wedding, but instead married in a civil ceremony at the Guildhall in Windsor, and then had their marriage blessed by the Church in St. George’s Chapel. While the Queen approved of the marriage, she was not present at her son’s wedding ceremony. But she did attend the church blessing and reception.”
Fast forward to 2021. Prince Harry and Meghan. Not only did Prince Harry marry a divorced woman, but they were also married at St George’s Chapel in Windsor, England, where his father and Camilla received a blessing that preceded their civil marriage ceremony at Windsor Guildhall. We all are witnesses to the transformation that happened right in front of our eyes. In 16 short years, we went from a civil ceremony of Prince Charles and Camilla, two divorced royals, to a religious wedding ceremony in a cathedral of a divorced soon-to-be royal. I call that progress!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
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Image Credit: HaleyBDesigns at etsy.com and Inset: catholicprayercards.org
9 Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. – 1 Thessalonians 4:9
Does this scripture remind you of Valentine’s Day?
What exactly are its origins?
Have you heard about the god of Lupercus?
Well, apparently, that is how it all started. According to americancatholic.org,
The roots of St. Valentine’s Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, celebrated on Feb. 15. For 800 years, the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On Lupercalia, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year.1
The Catholic Roots of Valentine’s Day
Sexual companionship for an entire year may sound appealing, especially during a pandemic; yet, what happens after the year is up?
Long-lasting relationships are built on love. Love is sharing simple things in life, such as walking in the park, cooking a meal, giggling while watching a comedy, or discussing life’s spiritual mysteriousness. And, when you find love, it is like winning a lottery – every day.
During the 18th Century in England, Valentine’s Day evolved into a card and flower-giving holiday celebrating love and romance. Maybe this holiday is an opportunity to proclaim God’s love for humankind?
Let’s think about spreading God’s love, not by participating in the billion-dollar holiday it has become but by simply loving others. Welcome God’s love and share it with others. This special once-a-year day reminds us to show our appreciation for one another. For partners. For family members. For church members. For Friends. So, embrace love. Let Valentine’s Day become an opportunity to express your love, respect, and friendship to someone in your life.
Human connection – speaking your love language to your Valentine helps keep the spark alive.
Action: Send Valentine Day wishes of love and laughter to all the special people in your life.
1Guest Author, The Catholic Roots of St. Valentine’s Day. Retrieved on November 2, 2016. .https://www.franciscan media.org/ the-catholic-roots-of-st-valentines-day/
I and Thou Reflections 