#AprilisStressAwarenessMonth – I and Thou Reflections

April is Stress Awareness Month – Part 10

The 8 Stages of Estrangement
Looking at Both Sides of a Coin

Reconciliation

The eighth stage of estrangement, healing, is essential to the journey toward reconciliation. Below lies the conclusion of April’s Stress Awareness series focusing on the rapidly growing estrangement phenomenon. Estrangement is a painful experience that can profoundly affect both parents and children. Extended family members also experience loss. Loss of the family as it was. It can be a challenging process requiring great strength and courage for all involved. In this blog post, hope for reconciliation will be explored.

From a Parent’s Perspective

As a parent, the healing process can be a daunting task. The feelings of rejection and hurt can be overwhelming, and it can be challenging to find a way forward. It is not easy to come to terms with the fact that your child has distanced themselves from you.

The healing process for parents involves accepting responsibility for their actions and behaviors that may have contributed to the estrangement. It is essential to take the time to reflect on the past and identify areas where improvements can be made. This can include examining communication patterns, recognizing where boundaries were crossed, and acknowledging past hurt.

As a parent, it is crucial to approach reconciliation with an open mind and a willingness to listen. Valuing the child’s feelings and taking their concerns seriously is essential. It is necessary for rebuilding trust and repairing relationships.

It is also essential to seek support during reconciliation. This can involve therapy, counseling, or joining support groups for parents of estranged children. Talking to others who have been through similar experiences can help gain perspective and find strategies for a smoother reconnection process.

From a Child’s Perspective

From the child’s perspective, the healing process can be equally challenging. It is not easy to come to terms with the fact that you have distanced yourself from your parent. It can be tough to navigate the complex emotions of estrangement, such as anger, guilt, and sadness.

Healing involves accepting the past and moving toward forgiveness. This process can be complex, particularly if significant hurt and pain occur. It is essential to recognize that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing past behaviors but rather letting go of anger and resentment.

It is vital to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that the healing process is a two-way street. It is also essential for the child to communicate their needs and boundaries clearly. This can involve setting limits on communication or establishing clear expectations for future interactions.

Seeking support during reconciliation is also crucial for the child. This can involve therapy, counseling, or joining support groups for individuals who have experienced estrangement. Talking to others who have been through similar experiences can help gain perspective and find strategies for more effective reunification.

Conclusion

In conclusion, healing is a vital part of the journey toward reconciliation. Reconciliation is not possible without healing. Open wounds, fester. Injuries that have healed leave scars. Therefore, both parties must approach the reconnection with grace, love, and patience. Reunification requires parents and children to accept responsibility, communicate their needs and boundaries, and seek third-party support. Reconciliation is challenging, but with patience, understanding, and empathy, it is possible to rebuild relationships and find a way forward for the child’s and parent’s sake and the family system. Dedication, effort, and mutual understanding can rebuild relationships and create a strong foundation for a loving and healthy family dynamic. Ultimately, the journey toward reconciliation can lead to a brighter future for both parents and children.

#Estrangement #NadiaCraneAuthor #8StagesofEstrangement #Reconciliation

April is Stress Awareness Month – Part 9

The 8 Stages of Estrangement
Looking at Both Sides of a Coin

From a Parent’s Perspective

Stage 8 | Healing

Healing comes in all sizes and shapes, and moving forward with life and becoming unstuck, is essential. Healing can begin with writing, therapy, exercise, or workshops. Breathing retreats can help. Seminars on Living a Miraculous Life can help. Spiritual vacations can help. Here is where hope may enter the picture. This is to be considered cautiously. Not necessarily hope for reconciliation, although that may very well occur. It is hope for what the future might hold. Hope may also be a necessary component for coping. Parents cope in different ways. Whatever helps heal a parent from estrangement is worth doing. It is essential to heal “enough” so that life can move forward. To become “unstuck.” To start living again with purpose and with thinking differently.

I am finally able to speak about the estrangement without breaking down. I am making progress! I am spending time with the people who want me in their lives. I’m concentrating on my extended family. I have a lot of love to give, and I am so grateful I can share my love with those who see the value in me.
A parent’s perspective

This is the phase where a parent will practice self-control and where self-empowerment begins to flourish. Parents may start their day with a meaningful mantra, prayer, or other mindful practice. It is a time to try new hobbies, activities and new circles of friends. Expanding horizons and being open to conversations will start to occur. No matter how healing occurs, there is nothing more important than for a parent to be their best authentic self.

It is the author’s opinion that complete healing of oneself is not possible. Hearts will begin to mend when forgiveness occurs because it is part of the healing process.

Forgiveness of parents.
Forgiveness of personal trauma.
Forgiveness of children’s behavior.
Forgiveness of the who’s, what’s, and why’s of the estrangement.

Complete healing is impossible. So, what is next? Healing as best as possible so one can appreciate the simple joys of life.

*Photo Credit: Freepik dot com / healing*

From a Child’s Perspective

Stage 8 | Healing

This is the stage where the child accepts estrangement as part of life. The child begins to heal when they find others who have similar situations. They find a tribe that supports estrangement.

I have finally accepted that my parents are no longer my parents. As far as I am concerned, I have no parents. My friends’ parents are much more respectful, accepting, tolerant, and kind. They do not have high expectations nor drone on and on about the past. My friends’ parents are drama free, and I like that.
A child’s perspective

The beginning of this stage is very vulnerable for children. They are at a tittering juncture, wondering if they made the right choice. There is deep reflection, and they question their original thinking. This is when about 20% of estranged children reach out to reconcile with their parents. Those who accept their circumstances or what they are might seek further counseling for their healing journey.

It is the author’s opinion that complete healing of oneself is not possible. Hearts will begin to mend when forgiveness occurs because it is part of the healing process.

Forgiveness of parents.
Forgiveness of parent’s trauma.
Forgiveness of parent’s behavior.
Forgiveness of the who’s, what’s, and why’s of the estrangement.

Complete healing is impossible. So, what is next? Healing as best as possible so one can appreciate the simple joys of life.

Author’s Note: Estrangement caused me to feel unloved, and I knew I needed to love and respect myself before I could love others again. From my experience in participating in support groups with other estranged parents, there is a choice to make. You can choose to blame, distrust, and be bitter. Or, you can choose to love and heal yourself, from this incredibly harrowing experience, by opening up to others. It’s up to you. A special thank you to Kathryn Kollowa, EdD, MSN, RN, for her feedback and added insights incorporated in this most recent update.

If you gained insight into estrangement, please Share, Like, Follow or Comment.
Thank you for your support!

#Estrangement #NadiaCraneAuthor #8StagesofEstrangement #Healing

April is Stress Awareness Month – Part 8

The 8 Stages of Estrangement
Looking at Both Sides of a Coin

From a Parent’s Perspective

Stage 7 | Fear

This stage involves non-estranged children. It is the fear and anticipation of potential estrangement from another child. After estrangement, fear clouds the relationship between a parent and the non-estranged child. This fear negatively influences parenting decisions. A parent will discipline the non-estranged child less frequently. A parent will adjust their communication for fear that something said will trigger the non-estranged child to estrange. Is the fear realistic? For a parent who has lost a valued relationship with one child – the fear is real – it is a perceived danger and potential threat. The risk of losing another family connection is constantly lurking in the subconscious. The relationship is fragile, and a parent wants to guard it to ensure it does not break. Respecting adult children and their choices is vital for a healthy relationship.

I fear that my other son will stop speaking to me too. I realize this is irrational, yet the thought sneaks into my mind every day. I find the fear paralyzing at times.
A parent’s perspective

Living and parenting with the fear of another estrangement is overwhelming. It is a difficult stage to endure, and learning to live day-by-day keeps worries at bay and is a worthy goal. As the non-estranged child matures, the fear of estrangement may dissipate based on their behaviors and communication. Furthermore, this fear extends to all future relationships as well. Remember this when meeting, introducing, and welcoming others.

*Artist Credit: Silvia Pelissero, Agness Cecile’s World of Watercolor – Mayhem & Muse*

From a Child’s Perspective

Stage 7 | Acceptance Part 2

Children at this stage have accepted estrangement as a way of life. They realize that time has passed, and they and the estranged parent have become different people. If the child has undergone therapy or is questioning their role in the estrangement, they may consider reconnecting. Children at this step are curious. They are interested to know whether what others tell them is true. They meet other people and begin to realize that every family is flawed. All families have struggles.

I wonder what my mother thinks of me. I wonder if she even cares. When I was growing up it seemed that she only cared about herself. I have done a lot of inward work and I might want to reach out one day and see how my mother is. But for now, I like my life just the way it is right now.
A child’s perspective

This stage requires the child to do the necessary emotional work that needs to be done. Children realize they are not the same people they were at the initial point of estrangement and recognize that their parents may have also grown and matured into a person they just might want to engage with. As maturation progresses, they may feel a void. They may have exasperated an issue. They begin to accept themselves for who they are and who they have become.

#Estrangement #NadiaCraneAuthor #8StagesofEstrangement #Fear #Acceptance