Refinement – Page 3 – I and Thou Reflections

I and Thou: Happy New Year!

Grow & Glow

Mesmerizing flames ablaze,
Burn throughout the day.
Capturing cherished memories,
Clasp tightly to the heart.

Exploring new territory,
Venture out of comfort.
Standing vigilant, astute, and alert,
Listen to the gentle winds.

Whispering possibilities,
Eyes fixate on mysterious signs.
Welcoming new adventures,
Skip along the way.

Like glass being blown,
Into a crisp, clear pane.
Seering off the rough by flames
Bring forth a polished hue.

Casting off the dreary,
Let optimism flow.
Unfolding the tale of a new year,
Relinquish fears to set sail.

Embracing clarity through new lenses,
The flames to refine.
Dissipating the burdens of time,
Joyful spirits will warmly glow.

#NewYear #Reflections #Flames #Glass #Memories #Glow #Joy

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Image Source: https://www.baltana.com/abstract/stained-glass-wallpaper-hd-23323.html

A Thanksgiving Mindset – Part 4

Achieving a Thanksgiving mindset requires gratitude, introspection, and transformation. We must also learn to intentionally pause so we can recharge and refocus. Once we do that, we can reflect and reset.

“It’s never too late to press the reset button on your life.”
Unknown

Recharge

Recharging involves replenishing our inner resources. It encompasses activities that rejuvenate our spirits—whether it’s through solitary introspection, pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or immersing ourselves in nature’s tranquility. This process isn’t merely about resting; it’s about actively seeking what revitalizes us, ensuring we’re emotionally, mentally, and spiritually equipped for what lies ahead.

Refocus

Refocusing invites us to reassess our goals, recalibrate our energies, and realign our intentions. It’s about acknowledging the distractions that pull us away from our desired path and consciously steering ourselves back on track. Amidst the chaos of daily life, these moments of realignment act as compass points guiding us toward growth and development.

Our lives are so busy that we must consciously take a break from our busyness. Take a deep breath. Let’s think about where we have been and where we are going

Reflection

Reflection serves as the cornerstone of personal growth. It’s the conscious act of looking back at our experiences, discerning the lessons they offer, and applying these insights to propel us forward. By reflecting on life’s twists and turns, we pave the way for continuous improvement. Identifying our personal blessings and the profound impact our interactions may have on others can serve as a catapult to more empathy, understanding, and a deeper appreciation for the interconnectedness of our lives.

Reset

Thanksgiving can serve as a reset button. It’s about shaking off the old, shedding what no longer fits, and embracing the chance for a fresh start. Picture it as a makeover for your mindset—an opportunity to grow into a newer, better version of yourself.

A reset is that pivotal moment where we let go of what’s holding us back. It’s about taking a hard look at what’s not working and daring to reimagine what could be. It’s that push to let go of old habits, beliefs, or fears that no longer serve us.

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to refocus, recharge, reflect, and reset. As we express gratitude for what we have, we also open ourselves up to the idea of change. It’s like saying thanks for what’s been and getting excited about what’s to come—a chance to start afresh.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

A Thanksgiving Mindset – Part 3

A Thanksgiving Mindset – Part 2 focused on a simple message.

Transformation and Introspection.

To recap, we discussed developing gratitude, improving ourselves through self-assessment tools, learning and understanding healthy relationships, and practicing mindfulness.

Let’s continue with Transformation.

This morning, a good friend of mine posted this to her Facebook page:

“If you fail, never give up because fail means ‘First Attempt In Learning.’ The end is not the end. In fact, the end means ‘Effort Never Dies.’ If you get no as an answer, no means ‘Next Opportunity.’ Change your mindset!”
Author Unknown

Growth Mindset

For transformation to occur, we have to change our mindset. A growth mindset sees challenges as opportunities for learning and development, much like the cycles of planting, nurturing, and harvesting in nature. It stems from the belief that we can do better. We can improve. We can become better people. Why? Because there is no limit on learning. We can improve ourselves by shifting our thinking and reactions and being proactive.

Proactive to more intentional awareness.
Thinking before we speak.
Choosing our words more carefully.
Learning the art of “pause.”
Listening more and speaking less.
Observing nonverbal communication in dialogue.

If we actively practice healthy communication, we will eventually, transform into something different than we were or even currently are.

Fixed Mindset

Shifting from a growth mindset to a fixed mindset, the fixed mindset perceives the world as black and white. It is, or it isn’t. Growth is stifled, like a dormant seed unwilling to sprout. Those who seem stuck might be fixated on something they can’t get past. It is overwhelming. Whatever the “it” is. One way of becoming “unstuck” is by talking. Talking it out with a trustworthy friend. Or by seeking professional help. We can’t fix a problem that isn’t ours. What we can do is to do something ourselves. Accept the situation and learn from it. What can we do differently next time? What can we learn from it?

“With a fixed mindset, it can be hard to find motivation to work through perceived weaknesses because the ability to change may seem as hopeless as changing your eye color. In contrast, with a growth mindset, you’ll see your perceived weakness as a challenge that can be motivating — and even fun — to overcome.”
Mia Primeu, Stanford Today, November 10, 2023.

Thanksgiving to Transformation

Thanksgiving is the perfect canvas for cultivating a transformation mindset. Instead of focusing solely on what’s on the table, we can shift our attention to what we are grateful for—the love of family, the support of friends, and the opportunities surrounding us. A transformational mindset encourages us to foster a sense of appreciation for the present moment and provide grace (tons of it, perhaps) to those who surround us. As we sit down to a Thanksgiving feast, we can view the past year’s challenges not as obstacles but as stepping stones for personal and collective growth.

Let’s not think only of ourselves but others.

Pondering the transformation process begins with recognizing past experiences of ourselves and others, understanding reactions to life’s circumstances, and what we can do to make a positive mark on the people who mean the most to us and the world at large.

Sacrifice
Rebirth
Emergence
Growth
Adaptation
Flight
Legacy

Transforming into people God wants us to be can only be done when we adopt a growth mindset.

We don’t have to be fixed; we can choose to change

– a canvas yet to be painted.

Faith and Fortitude – Lessons Learned from the Story of the Showdown Between Baal and God.

*Image Credit: Unknown Source* *found in the public domain*

Wood. Stones.

Elijah went before the people and said, “How long will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him. Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. …Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.” Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.
1 Kings 18:21, 36-38

We continue our series of different types of atmospheric conditions used in The Bible. Today’s story focuses on fire which can be influenced by weather elements like wind, temperature, and humidity. In this story, drought, or the absence of rain plays a key role.

Elijah versus Baal.

Elijah was a prophet in ancient Israel during the reign of King Ahab. Baal was a false god to whom the Israelites were worshipping. In this biblical account, God used drought and fire to punish the idolatrous Israelites to prove supremacy over Baal.

Let The Contest Begin!

Elijah, a devout follower of God, foretold a severe drought due to their idolatry. During the drought, God commanded Elijah to demonstrate His supremacy over Baal by challenging the prophets of Baal to a contest on Mount Carmel. Both groups built altars and placed sacrifices upon them. Despite the prophets of Baal calling upon their god to send fire, nothing happened.

In contrast, when Elijah prayed to God, fire descended from heaven and consumed his offering, showcasing God’s power and reinforcing His position as the one true God.

Lessons Learned

#1. Unshakable Faith Leads to Mighty Acts
#2. Listen to What Your Gut Says
#3. There is Power in Prayer

Unwavering Faith.

There is no doubt about it. Elijah had unwavering faith that God would win the battle with Baal. Faith gives us the courage to face life’s daily challenges. Believing that God will guide me through life brings me comfort. How about you?

Courage.

Elijah’s bravery in standing alone against the crowd is inspiring. Going against popular opinions is typically dicey, for sure. Yet maybe it is time we stop going with the flow and stand up to what truly inspires us – like doing good in the world.

Persistent Prayer.

In this story, Elijah’s persistence in prayer highlights the importance of staying connected with God through prayer. God wants to commune with us through daily prayer. Do you?

Perfect Timing

Reflecting on the story, God’s plan unfolds in His perfect timing. Learning to be patient is hard work. God does answer prayer by saying yes, no, or wait. Even if God’s timing differs from ours, it’s vital to trust God. His divine plan will be more than whatever you could imagine.

Take a deep breath.

Let’s breathe in the power of prayer and exhale impatience.

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Rain, Rain, Go Away – Lessons Learned from The Story of Noah

Rain. Wind. Rainbow.

The story of Noah and the flood is one of the first stories in the Bible that involves weather. Noah, a righteous man, walked with God in a wicked generation. The corruption and violence of humanity led to the great flood.

Noah obeyed God’s command to build a giant boat even though it seemed absurd and impossible. He painstakingly followed God’s specifications and gathered his family and two of every animal into it. It was blind faith – for sure!

Image Credit: publicdomainpictures dot net

Then God sent the rain – forty days and forty nights.

Life changed.

Lives lost.

Except those in the ark.

The ark floated on the water for 150 days until a wind blew over the earth. The water receded gradually, and the ark came to rest on Mount Ararat.

A raven and a dove.

Noah waited for God’s signal to leave the ark. After a few times, the dove returned with an olive leaf. Seven more days. Then, God instructed Noah it was safe to enter the new land.

A rainbow.

A promise was made that a flood would never destroy the earth again. It was God’s covenant with humankind. A rainbow serves as a reminder of this covenant.

Lessons Learned

As we endure the Dog Days of Summer, let us learn the following lessons from Noah’s story and apply it to our own lives.

#1. Practice Faith and Obedience in Adversity
#2. Practice Patience and Perseverance
#3. Keep Promises

As we meditate on these lessons, let us breathe in the coolness of God’s

compassion

and

faithfulness.

Let us exhale judgment and resentment.

Let’s look forward to the ultimate promise of a new heaven and earth – together.

Because TOGETHER is better.

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(This is my “call to action” I’m supposed to include in every post and often forget.)

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #9

Lesson #9: Embrace Who You Are

Princess Diana was a cross between Oprah Winfrey, JK Rowling, Audrey Hepburn, and Mother Theresa. Her charismatic yet shy and soft-spoken demeanor displayed an introverted personality that magically transformed when in the limelight. Her humble, compassionate, and deep caring for the disadvantaged undoubtedly earned her a sainthood-like status. Her global presence captured her individuality, leading her to become the People’s Princess.

Diana entered the royal family as a timid and sensitive young woman and left with a strong sense of selfhood. Along the way, she expressed her individuality by sharing topics of conversation that were once taboo and then became commonplace, such as mental health, HIV/Aids, and banning landmines. Her authenticity made her all the more loveable.

Reflecting on my youth, I remember struggling with living up to high religious expectations. I couldn’t reach the bar. It was too high. Instead, I marched to a different drum. The turning point for me was my first work performance review. I finally felt seen and heard. It was a great feeling! For the first time, I felt valued and appreciated for who I was and what I could do. It gave me the confidence to be myself and pursue my passions.

However, life was not easy. After getting married and starting a family, I faced challenges and disappointments. Slowly the unrealistic expectations of a “happily ever after” and not hitting the bar eroded my self-esteem. Like waves pounding rocks into pebbles and pebbles into the sand, I, like Diana, felt insecure as my self-confidence withered away.

I turned to God and surrendered. White flag and all. My life needed to be nurtured and nourished like a garden of herbs and spices to combat the erosion it was facing. After my failed marriage, I met my life partner, and we learned to tend the garden in tandem. Together is better when two people are in sync and not in a tug-of-war.

Like Princess Diana, I learned that embracing who you are is the key to happiness. It’s important to be true to yourself and not try to live up to unrealistic expectations. By being authentic and genuine, we can inspire others to so too. Diana’s legacy continues to inspire people around the world. We can leave our own legacy by being a blessing to others by being kind, compassionate, and empathetic. By sharing our experiences and being vulnerable, we can encourage and support others who may be going through similar struggles. Doing so can create a ripple effect of positivity that can change the world, one person at a time.

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #8

Lesson #8: Be Kind

*Image Credit: David Gray / Reuters found in the Public Domain of Images*

Princess Diana was known for her kind heart and generous spirit. What small acts of kindness did Princess Diana perform? She may have been the first royal person to touch someone without gloves publicly and was the first to touch someone with HIV/AIDS. Her willingness to see eye-to-eye with her public was a gesture of warmth and kindness as the Princess frequently stooped down on her walkabouts, especially to her young fans.

To instill kindness in her sons, Princess Diana often took them to homeless shelters, hospitals, and orphanages to expose them to all sides of humanity. She did this to inspire them to help others as they matured into adulthood. Diana was indeed a “People’s Princess.”

Reflecting on kindness and my childhood, I saw random acts of kindness from my dad. Whenever he saw a friend or a neighbor walking, he would offer them a ride. My mom showed kindness when she picked up the phone from a friend in need. She would listen and provide encouragement. I often heard her do this as she would say, “A ha and hmm.”

In my first marriage, I tried to exhibit kindness, and I did so for many years. Until I broke. I could no longer be kind-hearted when I felt so downtrodden and disrespected. Children mimicking adult behavior. Poor choice of words. Poor choice of actions. I woke up and realized I had contributed to a situation where I no longer wanted to be a part. I had reached my limit of kindness. Kindness was no longer found in my home, and I could not be the glue anymore.

A kind person apologizes. A kind person tries to discover new ways to approach old wounds. A kind person is supportive. Encouraging. Loving. Life must be filled with kindness, or it no longer supplies the needed oxygen to survive.

Kindness was important for Princess Diana because it gave her a sense of purpose, happiness, and connection with others. It also makes a positive change in so many lives. In Parades, Princess Diana’s Legacy of Kindness, by Roisin Kelly, Ms. Kelly writes this about Princess Diana, “She believed that kindness was the best way to show love and compassion in a world that often suffers from the disease of feeling unloved.” And I believe it too! My life now is ruled by kindness. Kindness is the cornerstone of my marriage. My home. My relationships.

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*Written with the assistance of New Bing AI for research purposes

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #7

Lesson #7: Stand Up for What You Believe In

Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in. She used her voice to challenge the royal system and did things differently. Boy, did Diana do things differently. From breaking from the 1662 tradition of wedding vows, sending her boys to preschool, and wearing black at non-funeral events, she was a rebel in her own right.

Her subtle insistence. Her impish grin. Her brilliant mind. Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in and used her voice to advocate change. Once she realized she had a platform with the public, she wittingly raised awareness of taboo subjects such as HIV/AIDS, mental health, and banning landmines.

Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in by being a hands-on parent to her children. She went to great lengths to provide her children with “normal” kid things such as a Disney vacation, a McDonald’s happy meal, and participating in school events, such as the annual parent’s race, where Diana came in first place in 1988.** She broke royal protocol by being herself – a down-to-earth, fun-loving, jest-for-life person.

Marriage. Parenting. Divorce. Princess Diana stood up for what she believed in and lived a life where she instilled values of honesty, compassion, and kindness. She believed in fairness by fighting for a fair divorce settlement, including shared custody of her children. Diana worked tirelessly to provide a smooth transition for her children to limit the emotional damage divorce does to children. Above all else, she loved her children. She believed in them.

In reflecting on my life, standing up for what I believe in seemed to be a challenge for me. Most likely, stemming from childhood trauma. From that time forward, I felt that I had no voice. It took decades to realize these traumas impacted my relationships far more significantly than I realized then. First marriage. Parenting. Divorce. In my first marriage, I was viewing life through a particular lens. A lens that was colored. Dark. Unfocused. Unable to see the murkiness. Until one day. One day, it all came into focus. It was the day my then-husband did the unspeakable. All in a flash, I saw the truth. And pain.

I was willing to do the hard work, like Princess Diana, of speaking my truth, which enabled me to leave a broken marriage, better myself as a mother, and remarry and become the wife I was meant to be. Standing up for myself has allowed me to be free. Free from harsh words. Free from unkindness. Free from disrespect.

Like Diana, I, too, was a supportive mom to my sons in their growing-up years. I have been and always will be their best cheerleader. Princess Diana inspired millions of people around the world. I have inspired a few here and there too. Diana gradually realized she had a platform to use her voice over time as she gained more confidence as a royal. She also was “just a mom.” She used her voice to speak out against injustice and advocate change. Change in what vows are read at weddings, how we can parent and fulfill career responsibilities at the same time, and why it is necessary to have good mental health.

I am trying to be more like Diana. I speak about estrangement. It is an injustice. I want to bring awareness of how estrangement rips families apart. The other day, a Rabbi called it “psychological murder.” Although it seems harsh, I couldn’t agree more. Knowing your child lives somewhere but not exactly sure where, not having a way to tell whether he reads texts or emails, is like a slow death. Over and over. Each time the phone rings. Each time email is checked. Each time mail is retrieved from the mailbox. Will I ever hear from my son? Parents must be held accountable for alienating themselves, their children, their parents, and extended family members from others including, the other “targeted” parent. The court system must be held accountable for perpetuating broken relationships. Let’s fix it. Together. Together is better.

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*https://www.thelist.com/288119/14-times-princess-diana-broke-strict-royal-rules/
**https://www.newsweek.com/fact-check-princess-diana-break-royal-protocol-school-moms-race-1738917
Written with the assistance of new Bing AI for research purposes.

Career or Calling?

Daily writing prompt

What is your career plan?

View all responses

I spent most of my professional career as a Career Counselor. I managed a career center for a private engineering school in the Northeast, and then a decade and a half later built a career center for a small liberal arts college in the middle of the United States. In between, I raised two boys and provided consulting services to several small to medium-sized businesses in the healthcare, tourism, communications, and manufacturing industries.

Sure, I can go on and on about career assessment tools, finding and leaning into your strengths, and preparing for a job search. Yet, many of us lose sight of our calling. We have to ask ourselves, what has God called us to do? Praying will help. Taking career assessments will help. Identifying your top five strengths will help. Pray again. Ask God to show you a path. Don’t worry if you don’t hear anything. It will be revealed in God’s timing.

While consulting, I had the opportunity to serve on the Advisory Board of a Marketing Center of an academic institution. The experience pulled strings in my heart to want to return to academia. So, I started applying for jobs in the nearby area. I wasn’t getting any bites. I prayed. I said to God – “I surrender my career to you. I will go where you lead.” I then expanded the job search to the entire country and received a job offer in Arkansas. There, I had the opportunity to teach at the college level, a dream I had that only God knew.

I hope you will allow God to fulfill your dreams!

Lessons Learned from Princess Diana – Lesson #4

Lesson #4: Advocate for Children

*Source Image: Pinterest and in the Public Domain*

Princess Diana was a dedicated advocate for children. Whether at a children’s hospital, on a field of land mines, or on a walkabout, her passion was seen on her face in many photographs where she often placed a child on her lap. Princess Diana believed every child deserved a safe and happy childhood after her not-so-happy childhood, experiencing her parent’s divorce at seven. The abandonment she felt led her to deeply empathize with children who experienced trauma. Whether it was trauma from homelessness, Aids, or landmines.

As a mother, Princess Diana was hands-on. Since she knew first-hand what divorce does to a child (her), she went to great lengths to make her children feel loved and safe through her divorce from Prince Charles. She effortlessly tried to expose William and Harry to “normal” kids’ stuff, such as public schools, and wearing “commoner” clothes like jeans and t-shirts. How did the Princess do that? Spending quality time with them doing fun things such as going to amusement parks, taking vacations, and enjoying a “Happy Meal” together. It was reported on Elle.com, “She also encouraged her children to express their emotions and be open about their feelings.”

Reflecting on my advocating for children, I leaned into another direction toward education. Most of my career has been teaching or coaching students at all levels. I empathized with the underdog. The child who didn’t have a parent read books to them. Or the teenager who didn’t know how to apply to college. Or the college student who was discerning their calling in life.

As far as my mothering skills, like Princess Diana, I, too, wanted my children to have a “normal” life filled with love, security, and hope for the future. I spent endless hours planning birthday parties, shopping for the perfect selections to place into goodie bags and rejuvenating my creativity of appropriate party activities based on the party theme. That was how I loved my kids. I wonder what they remember or whether or not they cared if a lady was singing with a guitar, the bouncy house was big enough, or digging and finding dinosaur fossils in the sandbox.

The cliche of “I did the best I could” does not fit here. It seems old. Ragged. Better questions would be:

“Did I really do my best?”

“Did I do the parties for my kids?”

“Or did I do them for myself?”

“Was I subconsciously filling an unmet need?”

These are good questions to ponder this Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Written with the assistance of New Bing AI

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