I spent most of my professional career as a Career Counselor. I managed a career center for a private engineering school in the Northeast, and then a decade and a half later built a career center for a small liberal arts college in the middle of the United States. In between, I raised two boys and provided consulting services to several small to medium-sized businesses in the healthcare, tourism, communications, and manufacturing industries.
Sure, I can go on and on about career assessment tools, finding and leaning into your strengths, and preparing for a job search. Yet, many of us lose sight of our calling. We have to ask ourselves, what has God called us to do? Praying will help. Taking career assessments will help. Identifying your top five strengths will help. Pray again. Ask God to show you a path. Don’t worry if you don’t hear anything. It will be revealed in God’s timing.
While consulting, I had the opportunity to serve on the Advisory Board of a Marketing Center of an academic institution. The experience pulled strings in my heart to want to return to academia. So, I started applying for jobs in the nearby area. I wasn’t getting any bites. I prayed. I said to God – “I surrender my career to you. I will go where you lead.” I then expanded the job search to the entire country and received a job offer in Arkansas. There, I had the opportunity to teach at the college level, a dream I had that only God knew.
Princess Diana believed that actions speak louder than words and led by example in her interactions with her children. She taught them kindness, compassion, and empathy through her own actions. How did the Princess do that? By bringing them along with her as she performed her royal duties. So, in 1993, Prince William, then 9 months, accompanied his parents on their trip to Australia and New Zealand. This action set a precedent; since then, Prince William and Prince Harry have had their own children on business trips. Quite a bit different from the mothering of Queen Elizabeth.
In the recent Forbes article, by Maura Thomas, What Does Work-Life Balance Even Mean? “To some, work-life balance means the convenience of managing a personal life during the workday without the hassle of getting permission or explaining our activities to others. Another common definition of work-life balance is equal time or priority to personal and professional activities.'” Whichever way you look at the work-life balance issue, Princess Diana was a true trailblazer in this regard. Years later, the monarchy was finally endorsing the concept of work-life balance.
Reflecting on my mothering skills and leading by example, I think of the early days of my professional career and as a young mother. I worked in academia, and my job required me to be there for extra hours to entertain recruiters searching for new hires. Early on, I brought my son to work occasionally. I also worked at home one or two days per week. My direct report understood the importance of work-life balance. And I was grateful for his flexibility at a time when remote working was rare. In life, we have to balance work and our family, especially in jobs where time is demanded.
My other lead-by-example was in spirituality, thanks to my dad. Growing up, my dad was a big proponent of “going to church.” Sundays were the week’s highlight for us as a family, although my dad would sing in the choir, and I would sit in church with my mother. I think for my dad, it was the fact that his family went to church together. We arrived together, and we left together. I also think he was trying to be obedient to God. Train your child up in the Lord.
I saw it much more as a spiritual thing for me and my kids. Not so much as an obedience to God thing. It was vital for me to expose my children to faith. A religion where God created the universe. God is love. And God can bring comfort to you when you need it. My lead by example was my unwavering faith. Faith in God. Faith in marriage. Faith in myself. Faith in my children.
Lesson #2: Prioritize Spending Time with Your Children
Image Credit: Cassidy and Leigh/Shutterstock Public Domain
Princess Diana understood the importance of spending quality time with her children and was there for them whenever they needed her. She often took them on trips and vacations to create lasting memories. Princess Diana wanted to provide experiences to her children that reflected “normal” childhood activities. She took her children to McDonald’s and ordered Happy Meals. She rode on amusement rides at Disney with them. Princess Di placed her children’s well-being above hers. Most mothers would understand and share this desire.
Like Princess Di, I felt strongly about spending quality time with my children. I took my children to Disney. I also had my share of ordering Happy Meals. One of the most memorable adventures was a trip to Colorado. Why? Because the trip was geared to my specific family. We flew into Denver, picked up an RV, and experienced Colorado. We got lost for a few hours in the middle of nowhere and finally met the paleontologist in Delta for a private tour and excavation. We took a gondola up a mountain in Ouray and visited Mese Verde to explore the cliff dwellings. These were tangible memories. Memories that we experienced as a family. Together. It wasn’t the latest video game or device. It was spending time around a campfire and toasting marshmallows. Yup. That was me.
Moving right along with lessons learned from Queen Elizabeth, we start by stating Lesson #7 and then referring to the previous 6 to refresh our memory.
Lesson #7: It’s Never Too Late to Turn Over a New Leaf
Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for what it is can be Good for the Soul Lesson #6: Sometimes, it Not the Words…But the Way We Say Them that Matters Most
Growing Old Gracefully
Artist Credit: Mariah Doolittle | Title: Tobacco Leaf Girl
We have seen in previous lessons how Queen Elizabeth seemed to soften as she aged. She enjoyed her grandmother’s role and could blend her queenhood with her grandmother’s function for the first time. Before this time, her life-long service to the people took precedence over all else. As her children married and had their own children, Queen Elizabeth matured as well. It was through this developmental process that she could balance her roles simultaneously. Maybe it was because she became more confident in her role. More confident as a woman. More confident as the leader of her family as well as the Monarchy.
God’s Right Arm
Queen Elizabeth believed she was anointed to her role by a higher power. For her, adhering to the church’s teachings was a duty. We saw that she denied her sister, Margaret, to marry a divorcee. And again, we noticed that in Charles and Diana’s divorce in 1996. Interesting to note that Charles’ brother Andrew was also divorced from his wife, Fergie, in 1996. Yet, Princess Diana’s tragic and unexpected death paved the way forward for Charles to comply with biblical scripture, for Charles to marry Camilla. (See Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 3.) although Camilla’s ex-husband was still alive, which negated the union. We know how that ended.
Changing with the Times
As the culture changed, so did the Queen and royal rule through a gender-neutral lens. For example, changing the Succession to the Crown Act ended the tradition of a younger male sibling superseding an older female sibling in the line of succession. The change took place in 2014. Interestingly, just months before Princess Charlotte was born.
Love One Another
When King Edward VIII abdicated the throne to marry divorcee Wallis Simpson, he was treated like a pariah. So, when Harry married Meghan, we finally saw a bending of the “can’t marry a divorcee rule.” Perhaps, Queen Elizabeth realized that nothing good came from the “disowning” of a family member. Queen Elizabeth may have just discovered what true Christianity was all about. To love one another and not pass judgment.
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Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well Lesson #2 Mothers Don’t Always Know Best Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality Lesson #4: Sometimes, it is Important to Break Protocol Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul
Lesson #6: Sometimes, it is Not the Words… But the Way We Say Them that Matters Most
The Eloquent Speaker
There is no doubt that Queen Elizabeth was an eloquent speaker. Sure, she had writers to write her speeches. Yet, her delivery was always on point. Her speeches started with a hook and were quite engaging. They were direct and pleasant to hear. She spoke with dignity and gentle softness, even when delivering bad news.
Practice Makes Perfect
Queen Elizabeth gave her first speech, the “Windsor Speech,” in 1940 when she was a princess. At Winston Churchill’s suggestion, the 14-year-old Elizabeth spent weeks practicing this radio address, whose purpose was to comfort young children sent away from their homes during World War II and, more subtly, to charm America into supporting the fight against the Nazis. According to news sources, the speech boosted the morale of the younger generation and won the support of their United States ally as well.
Hope for the World
In Queen Elizabeth’s first official speech on the evening of her Coronation in 1953, she offered hope. She did not speak of the monarchy’s power but instead of her confidence about the future. It uplifted the world, as many of her public addresses did, as they highlighted the themes of hope and her devotion to serving the people. She came across as a strong yet humble leader.
The Stiff Upper Lip
Queen Elizabeth’s relationship with Diana was mediocre at best. Queen Elizabeth was no model mother-in-law. She took the same approach to Princess Diana as to her own children. One of distance and limited involvement. When Diana asked for mental health treatment, she was denied. After all, what would the public think of a royal who couldn’t solve problems with a stiff upper lip?
The Cold Fish Starts to Thaw
When Princess Diana died in a tragic car accident, all hell broke out at Buckingham Palace. What exactly was the protocol for mourning and the funeral of an ex-wife of a Prince? There wasn’t one. Decisions about these things would have to be made post-haste. One thing was clear, the Queen had shifted into overdrive and did everything she could to help her grandsons process the tragedy in their own way and time.
Queen Elizabeth delayed speaking to the public about Princess Diana’s death. Perhaps she was taking time to process it all. At some point, she realized the necessity of delivering a formal announcement after the enormous outpouring of sympathy. Her tribute to Princess Diana displayed considerable warmth and kindness. It seemed more maternal than usual. Her tone was hopeful, trusting, and uplifting. Her delivery was heartfelt and compassionate. Even through the pain of grief, she felt for her grandsons losing their mother, she stood tall and strong.
Reflections
Contemplating the Queen’s speeches, I offer my thoughts. Queen Elizabeth represents a long line of royalty that dates back centuries. I admired her because she was anointed Queen and held the official title of “Defender of the Faith” by the Church of England. It was this mysterious religious anointing that captivated me.
Queen Elizabeth was clearly rough around the maternal edges. I don’t think “mothering” was instinctual for her, nor was it something she wanted to perfect. It almost seemed beneath her. Which left me perplexed. As there is no more noble duty than motherhood. Yet, by and large, she left the “mothering” to nannies and other royal assistants. However, once she had grandchildren, Queen Elizabeth seemed to reflect a sense of guilt or sadness about the “mothering” she had failed to offer her own children. Yet over time, Queen Elizabeth’s words and actions became more maternal as the number of her grandchildren grew. Softer. More refined and refreshingly warmer. The cold fish was finally beginning to thaw out.
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Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol
Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul
Divorce Times Two
Camilla and Andrew’s marriage ended in 1995. The Prince and Princess of Wales’s union officially ended in 1996. As in most families of divorce, it is most difficult on the children. Camilla’s children, a son and a daughter were a bit older at 17 and 20, and hopefully, they weathered it as best they could. Divorce is never easy on children, no matter what their age. Prince William was 14, and Prince Harry was 11. A very rough period for boys in an intact family, let alone a divorced one. Not to mention the under-the-microscope life they live for the world to see. When you think of it, Diana’s death one year later, in 1997, would be enough to throw anyone off the train tracks. That was an enormous amount of loss and stress.
Charles & Camilla…Finally!
These two divorces cleared the way for Prince Charles to finally be with Camilla, the woman he had loved all along. It was no surprise that Prince Charles would marry Camilla with or without the Queen’s blessing. They wed in 2005.
The Blended Family
By then, Prince William was 23, and Prince Harry was 21. It is easy to imagine the two young men emotionally carrying the burdens of being in a broken family.
The twenties are a time of “dynamic shifts for a young man,” per Susan Winter. She continues, “His whole world is opening up, and therefore, he’s unsettled.”
Blended families require extra patience and understanding. And a bit of family therapy too! Does love win? Maybe, maybe not. In the case of Prince Charles, his love for Diana lessened as his love for Camilla grew as time marched on. We know that his love for Camilla endured the test of time.
Love
Art by Kirsten Kosa [etsy]
So, you see, my kind, gentle readers, love plays a significant role in our lives. It helps us to be better people. A lesson we can all learn from Queen Elizabeth is her acceptance of Prince Charles and Camilla. If Queen Elizabeth can go from calling Camilla the “wicked woman” to the “Queen Consort,” reconciliations are in the realm of possibilities for you too!
After decades of scandal, Queen Elizabeth seemed to apologize to Camilla by appointing her as the Royal Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Yes, it was quite a reversal – wouldn’t you say? Perhaps it was Queen Elizabeth’s way of saying that she was accepting Camilla for the woman she was and that she was a woman who loved her son. In the case of Charles and Camilla, love won. But sometimes, there is a high price to pay for it.
Love with all your heart.
Value your relationships…they are worth more than gold and can be sweeter than chocolate.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
If you enjoyed this please remember to Share, Like, Follow. (This is my “call to action” I’m supposed to include in every post and often forget.)
If you enjoyed this please remember to Share, Like, Follow. (This is my “call to action” I’m supposed to include in every post and often forget. Thanks so much for your support!)
My career services vocation started at Stevens Institute of Technology before the existence of social media. So, it was easy to lose track of the thousands of students who came and went over my thirteen-year tenure there. Yet, I did keep track of a few by the old-fashioned postcard or holiday greeting card method. Fast forward fifteen years, when Facebook and LinkedIn became integral to my daily routine. I could reconnect with hundreds of past and present students through these two social platforms. And what a delight it has been to see these awestruck young college graduates go off and live such extraordinary lives. I seldom comment although I give out thumbs-ups often. For me, it is a sign you matter. YOU do matter. And you matter to more people than you would imagine. It also, for me, doesn’t have anything to do with job title or success. It is all about love.
Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found a delightful young couple posting a few of their recent wedding pictures. I met these fine people as college students in Arkansas. A little further down on the page, I saw a post from a student I met thirty years ago who was running the Philadelphia Marathon. Seeing the facial expressions on the couple and the runner was all about love. Love for each other. Love for passions. Love for life.
So, what seems to be a random scroll for some, for me, is someone’s life window and the privilege of peeking through.
Artist Credit: Fragments of My Childhood by Maria Varga-Hansen
Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
This brings us to the next lesson.
Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol
Divorce
Two children and eleven years later, the famous royal couple, Charles and Diana, separated in 1992 and officially divorced in 1996. After the divorce, their relationship seemed to be less ruffled. After all, they had 50/50 custody of their children, and for the sake of the children, they each tried to do better. By this time, Diana had more or less accepted the inevitable: the relationship between Camilla and Charles was there to stay.
Death and Conundrums
One year later, Princess Diana left this earth in a tragic auto accident outside Paris. This was where it got wonky. Was there a protocol for this situation? Would she be treated as a royal member of the family? Or not? Queen Elizabeth was silent. The “institution” was quiet. There was no official announcement for five days. The public was outraged. How could this be?
Let’s set the stage.
Princess Diana, no longer a wife to Charles, was in France.
Queen Elizabeth, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, and the boys, William and Harry, were vacationing at Balmoral Castle in Scotland.
The “institution” was in England.
So, to start with, the deadly news was shocking. Shocking to the royal family. Shocking to the rest of the world. Because the public admired Diana’s resilience, honesty, and relatability, many loved her, and the tragic impact was felt around the globe.
Royals are Human Too
The royal family did what most families would do under these circumstances. They came together in solidarity to make the necessary arrangements, which were a bit fuzzy. First, there was the logistical nightmare of where all the key players were at the time of the accident, as cited above. Second, Princess Diana was no longer a member of the royal family. Or was she? She was undoubtedly the mother of the future King of England and Prince Harry. Thirdly, there were high expectations of a royal funeral. After all, she was still the People’s Princess.
Diana’s Funeral& Broken Protocol
As the world began to mourn Diana’s death, it became apparent that a private funeral would not suffice.
A spokeswoman for the palace told reporters, “This is a unique funeral for a unique person.”
Queen Elizabeth supported a private ceremony, while Prince Charles and Diana’s brother encouraged having a more significant event. We will never know why the Queen thought what she did. But by allowing the elaborate funeral procession, the Queen clearly said something without saying a word. (She broke protocol.) Queen Elizabeth also ordered the Union Flag to be flown at half-staff, another break from protocol. It was her way of, an apology of sorts. Perhaps from a mother-in-law who may not have responded as lovingly and kindly as she should have or may have even wanted to. Her bowing at the casket was a sincere tribute to Diana’s legacy.
Granny Elizabeth
After Diana’s death, Queen Elizabeth seamlessly stepped more concretely into her grandmother’s role. A role she grew fond of as the years went on. She was the boys’ rock and was instrumental in their grief journey.
Diana’s Legacy
Princess Diana, beautiful and graceful as she was, was human too. With her battle with bulimia, self-injury, and feelings of worthlessness, she brought a “freshness” to the monarchy as she became known as the “relatable” princess. With courage and bravery, she prioritized her mental health and sought help. Her actions brought significant awareness to mental health.
But what is often forgotten is that Diana was also a paradox: under the magnificently poised image she presented to the world, she struggled with bulimia, self-injury, and lingering feelings of worthlessness.
She did indeed relate to the public. She brought attention to so many issues. Her quiet yet charismatic personality charmed the world. Princess Diana’s life and death were tragic. The media responded with relentlessness, and the world responded with love.
Image Credit: “Symbolic Transom” Religious Stained Glass Window (stainedglassinc.com)
Introduction
In the next few weeks, I will share my insight into relationships in the Royal Family. There is much to learn, I promise. We will look at key players and how they finally found love. We will begin with duty and love. And how at the end of the day, the Royal Family puts on pajamas like the rest of us.
Lesson #1: Duty and Love rarely mix well.
Duty and Love
I have been following the Royal Family in bits and pieces. I am no expert by any means. What seems so obvious to me was how Queen Elizabeth was torn between duty and love for her family. I felt it first in her affection for her sister, Margaret. She loved her so. I can only imagine how painful it was for Queen Elizabeth to deny Margaret from marrying her soulmate, Peter Townsend, who happened to be a divorcee. The Church had a lot to say about divorce in 1955.
Then, in the 1970s, I saw the Queen’s influence on Prince Charles and his secret love for Camilla, who, in the Queen’s eyes, was not worthy enough for him. Camilla was a “party” girl, and the Queen thought she would not be a suitable princess. This signaled a sense of duty weighing much more heavily than love. This baffled me as the greatest commandment is to love one another. Nowhere in The Bible does it say to love only rich people. Or love only those in one’s same socioeconomic class. Then, again, his divorce, public love, and marriage to Camilla in 2005 seemed to snub The Church and its anti-divorce platform.
Town & Country Magazine wrote, “A change in the Church of England’s rules about remarriage after divorce, which took effect in 2002, made it possible for Charles to marry Camilla. In an attempt to avoid controversy given their relationship history, the couple opted not to have a grand royal wedding, but instead married in a civil ceremony at the Guildhall in Windsor, and then had their marriage blessed by the Church in St. George’s Chapel. While the Queen approved of the marriage, she was not present at her son’s wedding ceremony. But she did attend the church blessing and reception.”
Fast forward to 2021. Prince Harry and Meghan. Not only did Prince Harry marry a divorced woman, but they were also married at St George’s Chapel in Windsor, England, where his father and Camilla received a blessing that preceded their civil marriage ceremony at Windsor Guildhall. We all are witnesses to the transformation that happened right in front of our eyes. In 16 short years, we went from a civil ceremony of Prince Charles and Camilla, two divorced royals, to a religious wedding ceremony in a cathedral of a divorced soon-to-be royal. I call that progress!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
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I and Thou Reflections 